Friday, May 21, 2010

Never Tell Me The Odds

I just looked over that last post and realised something:

In a weird way, I'm still working on that sense of faith. Now you know me, my lieblings, I'm not into religiousity, so that's not what I'm talking about here. I'm 21, I'm heading to L.A. with very little, and I'm scared to death honestly. But I'm going to do it because I have this thing in my head that screams, "You can do this! That dream of being a successful actress is going to come true!"

I have to believe that voice or else I'm going to be paralyzed with fear. I've traveled very little, far less on my own. This is moving to an unfamiliar city on an unfamiliar coast and hoping that someone gives me money to pretend to be someone else. The odds are NOT in my favour, but...I'm going to do this anyway. Because I love acting; I'm passionate about this job and all I want is someone to pay me to do it. I don't expect (nor want really) to be some huge star being followed by photographers and a huge entourage. I just want to do projects I love, with people I admire now, I want to get invited to cons because those are my geeky people, and...I want to act. That's all.

If I Wasn't Me I'd Hate Me Right Now

So, I've been going through my room 9throwing most of it out) and came across a rash of shirts and dresses I wore when I was younger (6th grade seems to be the average age if I'm remembering correctly).

My 6th grade self (braces, overweight, acne, awkward) haaaaaaaaaaaaates current me. Absolutely hates that I look better in shirts and dresses a decade later than when I bought and wore them the first time.

Also, going through all my old journals (those that actually recorded thoughts and didn't just have 'I Love Aaron Carter' scrawled on every page...I sense a bonfire coming on), I realise I was a pretty dumb kid. Never mind the incorrect answers on the vocabulary questions (Really, 5th grade me, expedient means a rule-breaker? Really? You're gonna have to show me the working on that one), I put all my hopes and dreams on becoming a pop star. Yes, I'll give you all a moment to laugh............there we are. Oh, still laughing? I'll wait............good. I was so certain of so much: that Aaron Carter would find me and fall in love with me, that I'd become a world-wide sensation, that Britney Spears would become my best friend (in my defense, it was early 2001, before she lose her marbles).

Silly, silly little me. Glad to see you're *looks at her Supernatural and Torchwood magazines* so much wiser *casts glance over her worn copy of Ten Inch Hero* Bugger.