Amusing Musings

The End is Where We Start From

2010-06-11T09:15:00.002-05:00

This is my last post on this blog. I'm moving over to another one for my new...life, I suppose, if that's not too trite for words.

But I'm keeping this blog up to remember me where I've come from, what I've done/seen/said and all the amazing people and places I passed through on my way.

It's been liberating, my lieblings. Catch you on the West Coast.

Never Tell Me The Odds

2010-05-21T17:27:00.002-05:00

I just looked over that last post and realised something:

In a weird way, I'm still working on that sense of faith. Now you know me, my lieblings, I'm not into religiousity, so that's not what I'm talking about here. I'm 21, I'm heading to L.A. with very little, and I'm scared to death honestly. But I'm going to do it because I have this thing in my head that screams, "You can do this! That dream of being a successful actress is going to come true!"

I have to believe that voice or else I'm going to be paralyzed with fear. I've traveled very little, far less on my own. This is moving to an unfamiliar city on an unfamiliar coast and hoping that someone gives me money to pretend to be someone else. The odds are NOT in my favour, but...I'm going to do this anyway. Because I love acting; I'm passionate about this job and all I want is someone to pay me to do it. I don't expect (nor want really) to be some huge star being followed by photographers and a huge entourage. I just want to do projects I love, with people I admire now, I want to get invited to cons because those are my geeky people, and...I want to act. That's all.

If I Wasn't Me I'd Hate Me Right Now

2010-05-21T17:11:00.002-05:00

So, I've been going through my room 9throwing most of it out) and came across a rash of shirts and dresses I wore when I was younger (6th grade seems to be the average age if I'm remembering correctly).

My 6th grade self (braces, overweight, acne, awkward) haaaaaaaaaaaaates current me. Absolutely hates that I look better in shirts and dresses a decade later than when I bought and wore them the first time.

Also, going through all my old journals (those that actually recorded thoughts and didn't just have 'I Love Aaron Carter' scrawled on every page...I sense a bonfire coming on), I realise I was a pretty dumb kid. Never mind the incorrect answers on the vocabulary questions (Really, 5th grade me, expedient means a rule-breaker? Really? You're gonna have to show me the working on that one), I put all my hopes and dreams on becoming a pop star. Yes, I'll give you all a moment to laugh............there we are. Oh, still laughing? I'll wait............good. I was so certain of so much: that Aaron Carter would find me and fall in love with me, that I'd become a world-wide sensation, that Britney Spears would become my best friend (in my defense, it was early 2001, before she lose her marbles).

Silly, silly little me. Glad to see you're *looks at her Supernatural and Torchwood magazines* so much wiser *casts glance over her worn copy of Ten Inch Hero* ...now. Bugger.

Home is Where the Heart Is...

2010-04-30T10:41:00.001-05:00

If my heart is found in your town, please do let me know.

I've left St. Augustine and I'm back in Tampa, but...well, as much as sometimes both these places felt like home, now...

No sad things, even if this is more morose musing than actually sad. I want to find that place where I belong. Maybe it's waiting in California (isn't Pasadena Geek Capital of the World? And close to L.A. too...) or in NYC with Mary and Craig or in Texas or Britain. Who knows?

When Did I Become a Romantic Comedy Herione And How Can I Make It Stop?

2010-04-19T18:34:00.003-05:00

So, I've just realised something about myself. Actually, I think I've always known, but I finally articulated out loud:

I'm a career woman. I'm determined and ambitious and going to succeed in my chosen profession of acting came hell or high water. When did this happen? When did I stop being a dreamy girl with her head in the clouds and her wedding all planned out. The only thing about any future nuptials I may have that I care about is I want my mom to make my dress and Charm City Cakes to make the cake.

Sure, I still get stupid over a cute person, but I am sabotaging myself deliberately and mostly unintentionally. I never expect to stay in any one place so I can't get attached because the relationship will have a due by date. My job will be beautiful and terrifying and amazing, but it's a gypsy's life. If I don't learn to take chances even with a deadline looming, it'll be another five years before I have a date, maybe longer.

I love my job, I really truly do. I'm not even sure I should call it a job, because it's my life. And when did my life become about one thing?

This isn't meant to be maudlin, but lieblings, just reflective. Huh.

No More to Tread Them Boards

2010-04-11T08:45:00.002-05:00

So last night was the last time I'm ever going to walk the Flagler College stage. And I'm okay with that. I feel as though I should be more morose about that. I mean, Bobbi-Jo actually cried when she took her last bow on the stage and I was like, meh. Then again, it wasn't really home, well no more than any stage is a little piece of home for me. And so many people are trying to get me to be excited to be an alum (when I graduate in thirteen days), but I'm not.

Curtain Call is my theatre. Howard W. Blake is my school. If I'm ever in a position to be particularly generous with time or money, it's these institutions who get it. Not USF, although I had good friends and enjoyed (most of) my time there. Not Flagler, even though the same things apply. Curtain Call and Blake are parts of my home.

As for where feels like home...I'm still searching for that.. Who knows? It may end up being L.A. or New York or maybe Vancouver or Dallas or Nashville. I don't know exactly where this manic, unpredictable, beautiful, crazy job of mine will take me.

I like that.

Wanderings Recap

2010-03-20T17:28:00.002-05:00

Okay so my wanderings for yesterday (downtown) and today (uptown):

Friday
1. Put in a p/t job application @ Scents of St. Augustine-it smells really good in there.
2. Visited the Taco Shop for the first time and have since decided it's an acceptable AWESOME TACOS NOMNOM until I return to Tampa and my beloved Chipotle's Chipotle's chips are still far superior. Thicker and lime-flavoured FTW Not to mention, I think the place itself is the taco equivalent of Ten Inch Hero's Beach City Grill.
3. Couldn't get my chocolate lime balls fix=sad; cooed at the hermit crabs @ Bombay Trading Company=happy
4. Lots of tourists to wander through and school kids to mess with. Always fun

Saturday
1. Ate a v. v. greasy piece of pizza (the kind where the grease dribbles off for five full minutes when you pick it up). Justified that twenty minute walk to get to said pizza canceled out all fat and calories. $4.50
2. Poked into little antiques store-scored the pirate pitcher I wanted and a beautiful fairy mug for $2.12 (buck each and tax)
3. Waked even frigging farther for a yard sale, where I bought a cute pair of dangly, but light purple earrings. $1
4. Spent $7.12 on everything, walked a lot, and my feet hurt. Good day all in all.

Feeling Electric

2010-03-13T12:53:00.002-05:00

I have finally started on my organizations of my life. I'm working through all those pages I've torn out of magazines (half of which have gone bye-bye) and my clothes, books, photos, everything. I'm determined to get this all done before I finish in St. Augustine because an even more daunting task awaits me back in Tampa. I need the organization because I don't know how much I'll need when I go wherever I go and I don't want too much or too little.

Next task is to finish my rough draft of my senior seminar paper. (P.S. the organizing is so not a way to procrastinate on that *tralala* not at all). I'm determined to get through three pages a day and I should be all set by the time Tuesday comes around.

Sending the Good Thoughts

2010-03-01T08:36:00.004-05:00

Happy birthday, Jensen Ackles! You, sir, are like a multi-layered parfait of awesome. May you have a truly wonderful day and a great month and a fabulous year! And may this year bring you the gorram Emmy nod you've been deserving since season two!

Secondly, Jared Padalecki, congratulations on your marriage. May life be the kind of roller-coaster you never want to stop riding (yes, that is a little odd, but it was clever and heartfelt in my head).

May both of you have all the happiness you could want (I was going to say all the happiness in the world, but that seemed both overly sappy and a logical fallacy).

No Boys Allowed!

2010-02-27T12:05:00.002-05:00

So the sleepover last night? Was. Awesome.

We played Project Runway and, I have to say, the tinfoil dress I wore was fabulous! I helped design it and decided on the details and I worked it on the runway! Tim Gunn would be proud.

We ate so much junk food and played silly games (Apples to Apples, tossing the Truth Ball). We all giggled and laughed and had way too much fun! We even signed pillow cases for each other. Mine's so huge, I'll have to shove three pillows in it!

Then came the films: Mamma Mia, Shaun of the Dead, and (victory!) Ten Inch Hero. Loved it all!

Happy Single Awareness Day!

2010-02-14T09:45:00.002-05:00

My plans for Valentine's Day this year:

1. Church-because I feel like it, gorramit!

2. Pick up some treats for later when I will (brace yourselves) attempt to bake).

3. Buy cupcake from Hot Shot's should my baking not be up to snuff (which seems likely)

4. Settle in with Ten Inch Hero and other movie to be determined later (not on the list: My Bloody Valentine. That's in my Halloween Movies list).

5. Go see The Men Who Stare At Goats, 'cause I want to.

Lastly, I plan on sharing the love with my friends, who are way more lasting (and attractive *giggles*) than any partner could be. I love you, my lieblings!

A Super Party Indeed

2010-02-07T15:47:00.002-05:00

Last night, I dressed as Catwoman (and yes, there are pictures floating around) and went to a Superheroes Party at Jess and Jimmy’s house.

Oh wow, was it fun! Such great costumes: from James’ homemade Ghostbuster’s outfit to Super Doatsy, Blake’s leather ensemble, Jimmy as Goldmember (oh, dem golden pants), Allyn's late arrival as Mermaid Man and Steph (A) and Andy as She-Ra and He-Man. John came as Captain Hammer, but was disappointing because he couldn’t sing the songs (and had only seen half of Dr Horrible’s Blog *shock*). Jess got me a belt and tail to wear to complete my outfit. My outfit itself was scrabbled together (leather pants, belt-shoulder shirt, cat ears, and a mask I made out of the bottom of my long black pants).

Highlights include:

1. Pin the Tail on the Catwoman (a picture, not me).

2. The Pervert Game-I came in second (which surprised me and then made me sad I didn't come in first)

3. The costumes that were all form-fitting and shiny/bright/drool-worthy. I am friends with some mighty gorgeous people.

4. Eating too much of the Buffalo Chicken Dip of Tastiness

5. Dancing and singing randomly with my friends.

6. The conversations, always the best part of any party. Such hits as Back In Vermont, God I Hope No One Moves On This Question, Insert Dirty Joke About the Penis/Vagina Straws Here, At This Broadway Show I Saw, Waiting For The Lady Gaga Video to Load and Someone Take A Picture of That!

7. The Never-ending Game of Twister (when someone got out, someone else filled in) which I maintained Jess won, though Jimmy was last standing (or balancing). Many pictures were taken and I'm glad I participated earlier (with Stephanie A and Andy) before the cameras came out)

And here I thought I wouldn't find too many friends in St. Augustine. Laugh's on me.

Of Empty Vessels and Their Potential

2010-02-03T16:40:00.002-05:00

In my Philosophy of Religion class, we discussed that an empty vessel is more useful in its emptiness (i.e. a full vessel has fulfilled its purpose and it's just sat there). The empty vessel is still waiting to be filled.

I know this sounds very academic (to me, at least), but I'm about to tear any misconceptions of my philosophical prowess down.

I'm currently equating this to acting, my beloved profession. When I was in The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas, it was a hit. We added three extra shows and gave our all at every performance. But when I was doing that, I felt like a filled vessel, I couldn't have handled another full play because I'm fairly certain my head would have exploded with it (that's not true, but it was how I felt at the time). I stage managed my friend's one-act to get a fix.

Now I've got a part in one of the senior conservatory shows at Flagler, and a callback for a Directing Class show that I have to leave for in about five minutes or so. I'm also preparing to audition for Barefoot in the Park at Limelight and debating whether reading the play ahead of time would be a help or hindrance. If Thespis decides to smile on me (or fuck with me, however you're looking at it) and I get all three parts, I will still not be a filled vessel. Sure my mind will probably start malfunctioning and Jupiter will appear in my senior seminar philosophy paper, but I'll revise that bridge should I come to it.

Maybe it's a offshoot of the fact I'm buckling down to get a degree in Philosophy (yeah...I don't believe it either), but I've been thinking a lot about my love of acting lately. Sure, I can roll my eyes at the orange wig I wore or hate the corset and red prom dress for their difficulties in getting on without help (Caitlin, Stephanie T and Ronnie are still my heroes for the assistance), but however tired I was emotionally or physically, by the time I was onstage I could have cared less. Whenever I'm on a stage or rehearsing or doing anything related to acting, I get such a rush of joy to be working in this medium that everything else seems silly or inconsequential. I hope that passion stays with me my whole life and in every bit of work I do.

After Show Musings

2010-01-20T12:55:00.003-05:00

I'm sad that the run of Best Little Whorehouse is over now. My life is mine own again, but it's weird not having anywhere to be (other than classes obviously) and not knowing when I'll see friends again.

We started off at Scarlett's for karaoke. Less the performing, more the dancing and singing along as others sang (and sometimes butchered) good songs. We finally got Jimmy up to do "Wanted Dead or Alive", but some morons got into a bar fight out front and they closed the place down. After spending quite a while in the parking lot, I caught a ride with Ronnie and we all went to Denny's. There we had a really late dinner/really early breakfast. We talked and laughed and mocked because I don't think a one of us wanted our time as castmates to actually end. I remembered that, despite the red prom dress of evil and the quick changes of doom, I love this job because of the crazy wonderful people I get to work with.

Lady Gaga will never be the same to me again.

First A Deep Breath, Take it All in

2009-12-28T10:25:00.002-05:00

So the big Opening Weekend/Holiday Rush/Traveling Time is now over and I can breathe.

*takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly*

That's better. I have nothing (that's right, not a gorram thing) to do today. I am going to read and make lunch and dinner (make, not toss in microwave because it's nearing eleven at night and I'm exhausted. I am going to clean up my bedroom, organise my CDs, find places for my new films. And you know what? If I don't get it done today, I'll finish up tomorrow or Wednesday. More free days! Thursday is the special New Year's Eve show, then the regular weekend ones, but for now I have nothing to do and I'm going to do nothing.

An Actor's Wish

2009-12-18T23:35:00.002-05:00

Oh Thespis,

You seemed as good as anyone to direct this to, so here goes:

May I always work with good people who put their all into their part of the show.

May the lights not come up too soon nor too late. Same for sound cues, music cues, the sun, and my own cues.

May I have the ability to change my costume and my character in time to get on stage.

May this be the only way I ever need to earn a living for myself and whomever I need to provide for in my life.

May I and my co-stars give the kind of performance that propels people to their feet at the curtain call.

May I have the endurance to give everything I've got every time I walk on them boards or in front of that camera.

And lastly,

May I always always find my work fun. May it challenge me and wear me down, but let, at the end of the day, it also be the source of my greatest joys and thrills.

Things I Have Learned Today

2009-12-15T14:03:00.002-05:00

1. That Mandarin Orange yogurt tastes remarkably like a creamsicle (must remember to put in freezer next time and try the whole experience again)

2. That making french fries in the oven takes a very very long time (and must one fork the fries? They seem to be...puffing up...maybe it's just that time of the month)

3. That, for once, instead of holding my constant level of love and respect for one Mr. Wil Wheaton, I am incensed to jealousy after reading his account of Seth MacFarlane's party. (*rubs hands together* One day soon, sir...)

4. That Wesley Crusher as Time Lord might just make its way into a story...

5. That my Priestly/Dean Forester fic (don't ask me how they got together, I'm just a glorified landlord and scribe for my People) is NOT a Gilmore Girls fic (despite Rory's presence)...it's a Ten Inch Hero fic ...shut up...)

6. That I really should finish my NaNo story.

7. That I hope I don't cock up my quick changes tonight.

8. That I don't know how to pin up my braided hair. Not like I've ever done it before.

9. That I might as well just settle into the j2_x_over community on lj...I'll be there awhile...

Hold my calls

Two Weeks (and a Day) to 21!

2009-12-04T13:27:00.002-05:00

I'm sure, were I a more interesting/social/typical college student I would be preparing to imbibe my first legal alcoholic drink. But, I am me and my first thought about celebrating 21 is that I want to take myself out to a nice lunch. My priorities, right?

Well, NaNo is over and done (and recovered from): 50,705. Not stunningly over, but respectable I believe. I am in no way done with Wilde at Heart though. I've still got the big battle, some previous plot points to wrap up, the wedding/reception for Gentry and Sally, and then the Parting of the Ways to go. But I can write them on my own time, which I will now have more of as...NO MORE CLASSES! I still have finals to go, but no more classes!

I'm going to enjoy today and tomorrow as I have no rehearsals either day and I've almost forgotten what a free Saturday feels like. Don't know what to do with myself: try to bus it to Arby's and Michaels? Head over to that craft fair I saw adverts for? Explore uptown when things are open? Stay in and catch up on my (mountains of) reading? Actually work on my Metaphysics paper?

Who knows?

Update and In Memorium

2009-11-20T16:02:00.004-05:00

Wow, it's been two weeks since I last posted anything? Hmm, maybe life is duller than I thought amidst all the running around and school and tests (Latin Exam kills me) and rehearsals. Life's got its ups and downs right now.

Upsides:
1. NaNo is now officially over 32K! Wilde at Heart is going beautifully, only a couple set-up chapters left until we get into the meat, potatoes, and sensible salad of the plot.
2. I've also got a lot of positive feedback on my little J2 one-shots (and those meant to be one-shots); matter of fact, I've decided to expand one of them into a little series (maybe even connect it to the Songs of Domestic Life that I've been puttering with)
3. Next week is Thanksgiving, so I get pumpkin pie (Race and I are quite literally counting down the days. He has a calendar and a red marker, people).
4. Apparently, without my knowing about it (seriously, these two need to be better at the 'tell the Authoress your stories' part of living in my head) Dean Forester and Priestly (boyfriends, by the way...I know...law of the 'Verse, I swear...) have become gaming buddies/buddy-buddies with Spot and Race. Once again, I know...I can't explain it either.

Downsides:
1. I've actually starting to worry about the big plot parts of Wilde at Heart. All I know is Cody gets hurt, Caleb's secret is revealed, They determine to kick ass. That's it. No real idea who or what the baddie actually is ( or are...depending).
2. It's ten days to the end of NaNo *shrieks and flails arms madly*

I was going to put this in downsides, but it's too important, they were too important to me to be just another item on a list. Ellen and Jo Harvelle, I will miss the both of you like crazy and I love you. You were the baddest bitches ever and I didn't know you nearly long enough. You look up Ianto Jones, first thing, and get yourselves some fantastic coffee. Then find Toshiko Sato and congratulate yourselves on being the three bravest women I've ever known. I will miss you, ladies, and so will we all.

Excellent, Excellent...steeple fingers

2009-11-06T14:46:00.000-05:00

So...thus far, NaNo is not yet kicking my ass. Going with cautious optimism about this year, my lieblings. Cautious optimism indeed.

I'm loving my main novel, Wilde at Heart. Really loving it. Like I want to marry it and raise baby novellas with it. *grins*

Okay, so update time, I suppose.
1. Rehearsals are in full swing for Best Little Whorehouse and (if you don't count the walk there and back in the dark), I'm loving it! it's fun and the people are great! Finally *lets out sigh* finally I get to do some acting. If I went too long without doing something theatrical I think I would implode or something.
2. Off costume for Jimmy Dean, but have Fat Pig too look forward to in a couple weeks. Bleck, but a necessary bleck. I only need like seven or six hours anyway.
3. I am going to finish Pickwick Papers if it kills me! It's due back on Monday (I've already renewed it once) and I'm going to be done by then!
4. Thinking of going out in search of Carmel Apple Cider tomorrow after rehearsal. Mmmm, Carmel Apple Cider, I loooooove yoooooooooouuuu!
5. Stocked up on plenty of food and so can make many nummy things. *ish happy*
6. The holidays are coming around and that means PUMPKIN PIE! Race and I are currently counting down the freakin' minutes!

NaNo Kick-Off!

2009-11-01T01:03:00.003-05:00

Up to an auspicious start. Just over an hour into NaNo and already updated my word count to 2272 words. Of course I have now jinxed this and am a fool.

But as of right now, it feels pretty awesome! However, as I will unlikely to make the majority of the Write-ins, I am sad. But then I look at my word count and am happy again.

Off to sleep, so I can write more during the two and a half hour long play that I will be 'working' tomorrow. Prepare to see naught but the top of my head bent over a laptop for many many days.

See you in December (if I survive!)

Yes, Complain to Your MPs!

2009-10-19T11:23:00.002-05:00

Okay, who do I go to to complain about it being cold (COLD, not cool) in Florida in October. That's supposed to wait until November, so I can clutch my Carmel Apple Cider (oh please, let someone make them!) to warm up my chilly fingers as I type my NaNo. I shouldn't even see the pink jacket until after near Thanksgiving. *crosses arms* This shit ain't kosher.

...I apologise for that last sentence. I'm not sure where it come from, but I blame certain parts in Dean Winchester, Mark Cohen, and Mal Reynolds. Yeah.

But only happy things, right, lieblings? Things are good here. I've got the read-through of Best Little Whorehouse in Texas tonight at 6 p.m. (which means I'll miss part of Gilmore Girls, but since I don't have class til 12:30 p.m. tomorrow, I'll be able to catch the repeat), so that'll be tons o' fun, I hope. Everyone seemed really nice and hey, last time I did a community theatre show, I met Kris and Jamie and Jorge and Justin. So batting a hundred as of right now. Maybe I'll even make a friend who can drive me home (as it will be dark...and probably still cold).

These Walls That They Put Up to Hold Us Back Will Fall Down

2009-10-12T12:48:00.004-05:00

I have honestly never been prouder to be an American citizen than I am listening to the President of the country, my country, announce that we've got the Matthew Shepard Bill passed, he's going to end DADT and that he's going to help us 'end discrimination in all its forms'. I actually cried; I'll be honest. I am so so so so happy and proud that I voted for Obama, because it'll be because of him that one day I'll no longer feel like a second (and sometimes third) citizen.

I've included a link to the National Equality March blog and the one of Obama's speech at HRC.

http://equalityacrossamerica.org/blog/?category_name=march

http://www.hrcbackstory.org/2009/10/president-obama-addresses-human-rights-campaign-national-dinner/

This last link is for Taylor Swift's song 'Change' which made me think of this fight since I first heard it. It's just a fantastic song!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xidx6n0wPxM

Ballad of Serenity

2009-10-10T09:41:00.003-05:00

Okay, everything is (vaguely) cooled down now. Even the weather (oh let Autumn be here soon!). My papers are done, it's the weekend, no major tests loom and I can finally just relax.

*deep, cleansing sigh* Ahhh, that's better. So I have to wait for the birth control pills my mom's sending me arrive (yeah, I've got a freaky period thingy...*still wants someone to actually explain it to her*) and then I must go buy eggs and possibly an apple (not for the same dish, mind).

My jaw still hurts as bad as it did this time last year, but I don't care anymore. The pain is a familiar one, so I know how it feels and it's not as bad. Which is nice. If it kills me I'm going to read at least three or four chapters in The Pickwick Papers today, maybe more to pick up all the reading I haven't had time to do this week.

And I've got an audition for The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas tomorrow. Singing "Why Haven't I Heard From You?" by Reba McEntire and feeling pretty good about it. *crosses fingers and accepts any and all wishes for good juju*

I am a Stage Manager...I Manage Stages, I Believe

2009-10-05T11:28:00.002-05:00

So, Katherine called and asked me to be her stage manager, which I agreed to whole-heartedly. Apparently, most of it's going to involve me being a dialect coach and laughing with her at how she can bend the actors to her will. There's probably a lot more to it, it's likely a good deal of work and will cut into my time, but she is my best friend here in St. Augustine. So I'll deal. Besides, I got her into and addicting others to The Guild. I feel powerful!

It's been a while, so some updates.

1. I no longer think Latin is kicking my ass. I have to study and work at it, but I'm slowly starting to understand a bit more.
2. Finally got to the grocery store, so have much food and am happy!
3. I really should be working on my Metaphysics and Theatre History papers, due by Thursday and Friday respectively.
4. I'm actually getting active in Club Unity, but have met only gay boys and straight/taken girls.
5. My Financial Aid still hasn't come in, but when it does Orange Chicken will be had by all! (and by all, I mean me!)

It's Against the Law to be Vaguely Gay?

2009-09-22T11:53:00.002-05:00

It probably shouldn't amuse me as much as it does, but in my computer class I'm typing something about intellectual property and it keeps making me think of Sports Night. I so want to do the whole bit and start laughing.

Which, making me think of other things that make me laugh (damn Supernatural gag reel!).

I think I'm in the Giggle Loop and I'm trying not to start laughing hysterically! And it's not a stack!

See, I was feeling sad before class and now I'm in the Giggle Loop and feeling much better. May even watch the Supernatural gag reels when I get home and laugh hysterically anyway!

Must remember:
1. Radio meeting at 4!
2. E-mail Tom a birthday message!

Open Letter to James Marsters

2009-09-11T11:50:00.002-05:00

Dear James,

You, sir, are an awesome man. Full stop. If ever anyone tries to tell you that you are not awesome, do not listen to them and continue on your awesome way. Your CD, Like A Waterfall, is fucking amazing and I will be pimping it out to everyone I know. You have a song with a line about Naoko needing to learn her lines. You make me smile (in bed...I have no idea where that came from, but it's true).

Also, at cons, you are the very nicest of any celebrity out there. You go the extra mile and we fans appreciate it like you wouldn't believe. You make our days, our weeks, our years, and some of our lives just by being there and being so caring. You rock our socks and Birkenstocks, you fantastic man.

Love and best wishes,
Beth

Another Open Letter to Eric Kripke

2009-09-11T11:44:00.002-05:00

Dear God AKA Eric Kripke sir,

Thank you for the nod to wincest in the opening episode. We appreciate it. Now if you could work in some actual kissing between Jared and Jensen we would explode with happiness and be your slaves forever. Whatever you want, sir, seriously. Becky was awesome, but I must ask: how is Dean a let-down for her? The man looks like a god.

However, as I once asked you to stop fucking with Dean's emotions (*sarcasm* good job there, by the way), I must now ask you to please put the boys back together again. I know it will take time, but they HAVE to make up and be a real team again. Please! I'll even provide any duct tape, bandages, and/or dental floss or paperclips to facilitate the putting them back together.

One last time: Bobby FTW. Taking back possession of himself to save Dean and yelling at hospital staff. Bobby is awesome. Full stop.

Thank you,
Beth

It's Like An Orgasm Over a Weekend

2009-09-07T17:03:00.001-05:00

I had such an utterly fantastic time at Dragon*Con this year! Gareth remembered me (and hugged me a lot!), James was as darling as ever, Felicia was so completely beautiful and sweet (and tiny!), and Tom. Well…I don’t quite have the words for Tom, except that I love him.
I got celebrity drops (Gareth, Felicia and Barry Boswick). I got autographs. I got pictures (hope to upload soon). I got pictures taken of me (as River Tam) and cosplayed as Donna Noble.
The panels were fantastic, the guests were dolls, and I found my friends from last year (Chris, Lisa, Nancy, Andy). And the Shindig? Was Mighty Fine.
All in all, a wonderful weekend, but now I must away to catch up on two days of missed classes (yipes!)

You're Going to Be Bad for My Wallet

2009-08-29T18:14:00.000-05:00

So I took a little walk down one of the side streets and what do I find? A rare map/print/book store and an antiques/kitschy place with a literal tonne of stuff I want right now!

In the print store, I reverently touched the aged papers (and found a stack of Charlie Brown comic books that are so destined to be mine) and pulled out maps to locate My Places (i.e. places I’ve been and loved, places I desperately want to go to, and places that mean a great deal to people who mean a great deal to me). I found an old postcard of Texas (I have discovered that, quite unintentionally, most of the men I adore are from Texas. Weird that) and the man let me have it for free. It was probably only a dollar, but still! Thanked him profusely and realised that anything can be had if you go heavy on the accent, pretend to be a tourist, and look poor.

Now the antiques shop…I actually offered to work for less than minimum wage in order to be allowed to work there. I kinda hope something comes of it! *fingers crossed and good juju flowing* If nothing else, give me $100 bucks and I can buy something for everyone on my Chrismas list…most of them several somethings…and still manage to pick something nice up for myself!

Random thing before I sign off: Aaron Carter is in this season of Dancing With the Stars…which unfortunately means I must watch it…it still hasn’t sunk in just yet. Aaron Carter…after all these years…damn…I've having the feelings again.

The Kid in Me

2009-08-25T20:04:00.000-05:00

So I had tater tots, chicken, and fruit cocktail for dinner. I drank T-Rex Kool-aid (old school mixing of cherry and grape) and I'm watching the Pagemaster.

I feel about seven years old and I love it! It's so nice to just relax and do nothing and feel like a kid again. College starts up next week, but for right now? I'm seven and I'm happy!

Yes. Yes! YES! YESSSSSSS!

2009-08-20T17:59:00.002-05:00

So, I think I've finally recovered from the events of the weekend.

Highlights:
1. The show was KICKASS! We killed, we ruled, all others are half-dead mortals compared to us. Sure, we made mistakes (plenty of), but we played them off and no one was any the wiser. Everyone loved us!
2. My friends! Carly, Craig, Erin, Jennie, Mat, Sarah, Vickie and I are fantastic singers/dancers/actors/what have you apart, but together we are (a family! *couldn't resist*) incredible! We are going to take the world by storm, you see if we don't.
3. Matt: my Harry, my best guy friend, the overseer of most of my high school hijinks (which means we must be friends forever, because he has got lots of crazy blackmail-worthy material on me). We finally got to really catch up (spent two and a half hours talking) about each other's lives. I was reminded of why he is the Harry to my Sally and always will be.
4. Chipotle's and Taco Bell. You laugh, you scoff, but let he or she without sin live in a glass house.

One dim spot: TMJ 2: Revenge of the JAW!

Sometimes Bad Guys are the Only Good Guys You Get

2009-08-07T20:14:00.004-05:00

Okay, so I ate fortune cookies for breakfast...claimed it was 'the age of the geek'...I tried to give someone a nosebleed with my mind...and imaged killing someone with an appetizer...

Not only have three of the Leverage people moved into my head (Eliot, Hardison, and Parker), but I am turning into an amalgamation of all of them...

COOL!

And I love having them around! Hardison helps me with my computer (and understands and is honoured when I call him Boy Tosh), Eliot helps with my cooking (when I burnt myself, he was dragging me to the sink to clean and soothe the wound before I registered it hurt), and Parker...well, Parker makes me want to steal things. Well, makes me want to steal things more than I usually do. Well, makes my fingers twitch when a tourist with a big, open purse walks by and I'm literally running out of food to eat. If I ever do decide to steal (again), Parker will be the one making sure I don't get caught. And she's socially awkward, so I like letting her loose on Dean (Winchester) and Mark (Cohen). It's quite fun really. Also, we bond over our immense confusion about the desire of women to buy shoes...

No One in Your Life is With You Constantly

2009-07-23T18:15:00.001-05:00

Ianto Jones. I honestly don’t know what to do without you. I’m all at sea. Who’s going to tell me that I should have brought an umbrella when it’s pouring rain and I’m soaked. Who’s going to measure exactly how much milk and sugar I need to get my coffee perfect no matter how long I brewed it? Who’s going to put the shattered pieces of Jack’s heart and soul back together? Jack loves you. He may never have said the words but it’s so true. He’s going to remember you, in a trillion years time, believe me. Who’s going to be the silent strength when Gwen breaks? You and she clung to each other after the loss of Tosh and Owen. Who’s going to provide coffee to my now chemical-dependently people? Who’s going to make sure I have everything before leave the house?

Don’t leave me… us. It’s too soon, forever’s too soon. Stay with us, stay with me please please please. I can’t lose you, you’re my best friend, my conscience, my fucking favourite person breathing. Please Ianto, come back, please. I will miss you too much. This hurts too much.

I love you, Ianto. I always will. You tell Tosh and Owen that we miss them and love them for me, yeah?

I Stand on the Precipice

2009-07-21T15:29:00.002-05:00

I started this in my head, as an email I would send to a friend, then maybe to maybe friends. But I decided to put it here instead. Don't know why, really.

I went to the bay today (that was an unfortunate rhyme) and I sat there, with a book I was fascinated by and just...breathed in the tang of the salt air. I've never been much for the ocean, I don't swim well and beach visits weren't habitual when I was growing up. But for some reason today...I just couldn't be anywhere other than sitting on the wall of the fort, facing the bay reading a book I enjoyed, watching minute crabs shuttle around in their sideways fashion.

I bought a chair. The first real piece of furniture that is truly and completely mine. I bought it and it was delivered today and is now set up in its rightful place, but for some reason today wasn't the day to try it out. That will be tomorrow. As I eat breakfast and sip my coffee, I'll settle with a book (probably the same one, I may not finish it today; otherwise some Douglas Adams) into that chair and feel like an adult for the first time.

We Provide...Leverage

2009-07-15T20:31:00.002-05:00

I love Leverage! I finally finished watching the first season and am now enjoying the season premiere. Oh, I adore so much about this show: the characters (Parker! Eliot! Hardison!), the snark: ("What are the chances that Eliot's crotch will explode?"), the briliant schemes and scams.

It makes me want to be a thief...again.

And can I just say that Chris Kane is...he very much deserves his spot in the Brotherhood of Hot (with Jensen, Jared, Steve, and newcomer Aldis). I have NEVER been more turned on watching a man beat the crap out of someone and The Sixth Juror episode when his accent come out with a vengeance...phwoar! Yeah...*stares off dreamily*

Tomorrow for my Week in Geek, I get to talk about Tom and Harry Potter and then next week, discuss Torchwood. I love getting to tell people about my bao beis!

Friendship is Thicker Than Blood

2009-07-08T14:53:00.003-05:00

So, I braved two five hours bus rides and getting up crazy early this morning (I hate when there are two 6 o'clocks in the same day) and you know what?

Rent was so totally worth it! The show was amazing and the cast! Anthony and Adam were brilliant, I knew they would be, but Anthony was even more spastically adorable than usual and Adam was...ZOMC, only feet away from me and awesome and yeah...*still swoony*
And the Maureen was the craziest chick ever and I love her (got her autograph!). And Angel? Baby, Angel was fierce and fabulous and is the origin of our group's new "Drumstick cross against EVIL". Anthony signed my program (I could start up a shop with all my autographs from that fantastic man), but *sadface* Adam did not stage door. So, instead of having him sign my shirt, I just told the stage manager to give it to him. Really, the point of it was I wanted Adam to see that his lyrics and his work really mean something to me because I know when people love my work and they tell me, I get all happy and I want Adam to be happy too.

One thing niggled. I'm sitting there, watching the show that brought the UFF together and yet, we're all broken apart. Alex is with Nina in one camp, with Aubrey and Evie in another and I've got a tenuous grasp on all of them, hoping somehow we might be about to fix what was...well, rent. I've never felt more like Mark.

Why am I the witness? Does it mean that it's the end and I'm alone? I'm here. Nowhere.

When the Universe Hands You A Giant Sign...

2009-07-02T12:57:00.005-05:00

...you take it and go on with your life. Cute Priest...Brian is leaving. Going to another church, somewhere in Virginia I think. Good for him, sad for me because who will feed me for free every few weeks? (yeah, 'cause that's why I'm upset)

Anyway, promised only cheery, didn't I my lieblings?

In a strange turn of events, I found a CD I thought I'd lent out never to see again in freshman year. On it (Now 5...yeah, remember when they had Now CDs...remember when they weren't double digits) is the best of all the boy bands and singers I loved, including some I'd forgotten, some I remember, and one I remember the dance to ("It's Gonna Be Me"...What? I was young and foolish...and they were marionettes in the video!).

This stemmed from Al playing Will Smith (*hearts* this morning, so I actually looked at the Hip Hop section in the radio station. Found Shaggy ("Angel") and the late, great Aaliyah ("Try Again"), who was the first celebrity whose death made me cry (other notables: John Ritter, Jerry Orbach, Heath Ledger, and River Phoenix...if ten years later and most recently, Natasha Richardson).

Then I found the CD and ripped the songs and am now jamming out to SoulDecision, Britney Spears (back when she was awesome), BSB, 'NSync,, Mandy Moore (who's even more awesome now!), BBMak and my favourite song when I was younger "Absolutely (Story of a Girl)"

Look for a post about how much I ADORE Leverage once I've seen a few more episodes!

Writers Turn Caffeine Into Words

2009-06-29T12:45:00.002-05:00

So, I'm taking time to relax after my stay in Tampa and boy, do I need it. I'm starting to work on a schedule to keep to, so I don't get all lazy these two months until school begins again (hoping still to get a job, though!) and I am going to exercise in some way every single day, 'cause I'm looking good and I want to keep this up!

Collins is fixed (my dearest darling, beautiful laptop of Awesome, in case you're unaware who I'm talking about) and running like life in "Row, Row, Row, Your Boat" (i.e. like a dream). Brilliant. This means several things, my lieblings:

1. My responses to e-mails will be longer and have a quicker turn-over.
2. I'll be able to actually get and listen to new music, watch shows I've been meaning to catch, and maybe finish Devour just so I can have a good laugh at Jensen Ackles' expense (which I've been doing ever since Kris first showed me "Eye of the Tiger" and got me into Supernatural).
3. I will write every single fucking day, you have my word! On the 5th starts up, wewriteinhell time, and I'm working on a prequel to my planned NaNo this year: Wilde at Heart. And I just got a couple songfic ideas today (J2 both of them)
4. I'll be able to feed, play games with, and mess about more with my neopets (well, it makes me happy)
5. Maybe more Twitter and/or Facebook updates.

It Makes Her Feel Close

2009-06-22T16:33:00.002-05:00

Saw X-men Origins: Wolverine and Star Trek today. Liked both, one had a hobbit and Berg, the other Scotty and a red shirt.

Had a fantastic time over at Kris' yesterday! Watched Ten Inch Hero (someone to share the glory of it with!), and talked for three hours. Well, it's been months, we had catching up to do!

Tomorrow=hanging out with Alex! Maybe Wednesday with Matt, Friday with Erin and Saturday with Craig! Miss me friends ever so much!

Like a Breeze Off the River

2009-06-13T14:21:00.007-05:00

So, there was a little craft fair at the square with the gazebo. Such cute things, I had to run to the college and grab some money. I got two cute necklaces (a leaf that looks like a wing necklace and a mini-bird necklace) and a gorgeous amethyst ring. May even trade it out for the one I always wear...next month...

Bought a cherry Italian ice and headed down to the fort (unlike the 'Ghost Adventurers' I felt no spiritual presences and the only 'growls' I hear was the water from the bay gurgling. Just sat there, watched people go by, watched the boats, watched fish jump from the water...beautiful.

If There's A Prize for Rotten Judgment

2009-06-04T07:52:00.000-05:00

Cute Priest is getting to me. Brian. This is the second time we've had dinner (just us, dressed nice, he paid and picked me up/dropped me off) and...well...except for no kiss at the end, it felt like a date. I even tried to joke about it and...I can't interpret his response properly.

I'm a fool and a moron. I'll come out of this feeling like a prize idiot, I know I will. But I really do like him. Even if there's no hope (he's a Episcopal priest, I'm an Larsonist who really just believes in her Captains and the Doctor) for a future...I kinda wish there was.

And about Craig (he doesn't know about the blog, so I can use his name)? I'm still completely in love with him.I'd give anything for him to have feelings for me too.

Happier things: actually made friends with some girls from my speech class. They invited me to lunch and we all just chatted for an hour and a half. It was great!

I Talk to God all the Time and He Never Mentioned You

2009-05-29T20:33:00.003-05:00

So, after a lovely time spent at the thrift shop, Katherine called up and decided to come over.

Finally! I was going mad without any friends here in St. Augustine! She brought over two films: Lady Hawke, which we watched (and I adored! Baby Ferris, crazy 80s cinematography and birdies!) and Vampire Hunter D, which she left with me to watch on my own.

Also, she's going to lend me the copy of Watchmen that she still has from Owain: awesome!

So yeah, said and did crazy things. I made homemade mac'n'cheese, which we ate. We dorked about and chatted and listened to weird music and just had fun. I'd missed fun.

Mini-update

2009-05-27T13:03:00.001-05:00

So, I've settled into a routine with my classes and my not-having-a-job. Hopefully, though, that gift place will hire me and I soon will have a job. (especially nice if I do want to take my vacation, possibly even go to Dragon*Con again-crash with Charlie=free stay...mostly free...likely have to pay with sexual favours...)

Things are nice, if occasionally boring. Plenty of time to play Harvest Moon and catch up on my reading...

God Said" Noah, build me an ark." and Noah said, "I'm working on a speedboat at the moment"

2009-05-19T11:59:00.001-05:00

So it's been raining for two days and it's pretty much time to scour the internet for specs on building an ark. The worst drainage system in the history if ever is in downtown St. Augustine, Florida if anyone wants to know.

I'm physically unable to go to my class. The waters are up to my thighs and I'm not a short girl. Since I have no canoe (or one of Craig's shoes), I'm pretty much land-locked despite the goody-two-shoes side of me desperate to get to class (a.k.a. Ianto, David, and Sam).

I think I'll make a hot drink, watch the film I'm supposed to be watching in class and later I'll sacrifice a few goats and do a stop-rain dance.

I'm Not Easily Distrac-Oh, Kitties!

2009-05-16T12:56:00.007-05:00

So, I spent some time at a church rummage sale this morning (after being distracted by kitty cats up for adoption for far, far too long (one had such Jensen green eyes, I cooed)). My finds:

1. A baking sheet for (this is true): .25$ (25 cents for a perfect cookie sheet, must now bake something to deserve this great deal!)
2. The Tiny Toons movie, My Summer Vacation .50$ (on VHS, this is such a part of my childhood!)
3. Hanukkah and Christmas hand towels just like the ones Momma has .50$ (25 cents each and plenty of Chrismukkah spirit)
4. Wrapping paper .10$ (It's purple and shiny and has trees...)
5. Christmas Carol tin .25$ (I was in a holiday mood)
6. The Lion King book .50$ (because my copy is long gone and I want my kids to read it and love it too)
7. English Teas cookbook .50$ (full of little cakes and cookies and fingersandwiches)
8. Little black wallet to use when purse would be bulky .15$ (and it has a cute little black kitty on it too)
9. Butterfly rubber stamp that I'm going to paint red and use on my wardrobe .10$

Total spent: $2.85 (and a darn fun time had and to be had as well)

It's the Mothership!

2009-05-10T13:58:00.000-05:00

A toast and hearty thanks to all good mothers.

To the mother who bore me and the woman who raised me. To the one who raised and bore her and so on back through the lines.

So thank your mom today for giving you life, giving you a life, and all she's done. Whether she bore you or not, whether she raised you or not, whether love is the only bond that binds you two together, thank her.

Thanks Momma! Thanks Mama!

"Oh My Gay God!" "You Can Call Me Collins"

2009-05-08T14:40:00.004-05:00

I finally got my ass over to Loose Screws (the good kind of weird), this shop down a few blocks from my apartment. Oh my Collins, it is an amazing place! They had a ton of films (new ones, old ones, GAY ones!) and awesome shirts, some they design, some that are secondhand. Magnets, buttons, bumper stickers, music by artists I've never even heard of. And the best part?

Everything seems to be under $10! It's phenomenal! I love this place. I rented four movies (gotta fill up my weekends somehow) and got a cool button and an awesome white tank top with Mae West and her famous quote about choosing the evil she hasn't tried. it's amazing and I've mentally dubbed it the Butch Tank, to be worn when I think I've got a shot with a femme girl (love me some fellow femme girls...)

Ten Inch Hero Review

2009-05-05T10:25:00.005-05:00

Okay, so I finally got my copy of Ten Inch Hero (and the shirt 'cause I'm a dork) and I absolutely adored it! I knew I'd like it because it has Jensen, but I adored it!

It was hilarious and brilliant and not expected. I mean, yeah, everyone gets a happy ending, but the ways they get there feel new, not stale.

Priestly's monologue as he buys tampons while wearing a kilt (oh yeah, kilt kink returns!) makes you actually want to cheer (as I did). Jensen's brilliant in it! Now I have to quote the movie here: *heavy sigh* Did that work for anybody else?

And you know what, I loved all the actors (especially Clea Duvall, love her!). There's not a one main character that rubbed me the wrong way. Kinda nice really.

Overall, an A for its charm and wit and actors.

Seredipicidy, Seredipraciousness

2009-04-25T00:39:00.004-05:00

So I just spent my first night as a waitress. Holy crap, I think it should be a requirement for everyone to serve as a waiter/waitress for at least a night. Just to find out exactly how crazy a job it truly is.

That being said, it was tons of fun. Yeah, my feet are mutinying and I made mistakes (but dropped nothing and spilled on no one. triple word SCORE!), but it was...fun. Actually fun. When it wasn't stressful or slow. Great people, amazing place (will have to try the food...)

How it came about: went into Kosmic Bluz Pizza because it has a rainbow sticker and is GLBT owned/operated, ordered a Pepsi. While chatting to waitress told her I was job-hunting, she mentioned there might be some temp work there and to come back at 4. Which I did. Then I didn't leave until 1 am.

Also, have strange, but hilarious twitter conversation with someone nothing like I thought he would be, in the best way. He's cooler (actually, he's dorkier, but it's the same thing for me) than I expected. And crazier too. And it was totally random that we were on at the same time, being on different coasts. Kinda awesome really.

Ninja-Dating Has Nothing to do With Actual Ninjas...Sadly

2009-04-22T19:57:00.003-05:00

I think I've just been on a date. With Cute Priest. I'm not sure how to classify it, so let's go down the list of rules for a date.

1. He paid. Check
2. It was just the two of us. Check
3. We talked about deep issues and silly issues all at once. Check
4. He kept looking at me. Check
5. We laughed and were very comfortable with each other. Check
6. Held hands. Check (granted during a blessing, but neh)
7. Dressed up nice. Check (I wore my strawberry boatneck, he his priest collar)
8. We both classified it a date. Oh buggerwank

Yeah, the others may have been there, but that last one is probably the most important and is the only one without a check. Is it bad that I really wanted it to be a date? If it had been, it would have been one of the nicest ever. (not the nicest as that was February 13th in my sophmore year with Aubrey. I got Adam's Civilian CD (she bought it for me, awww) and Aida. Then I whooped her at air hockey. And we had our first kiss. Best date ever in my book)

Save the Earth: it's the Only Planet with Chocolate

2009-04-22T14:05:00.001-05:00

Take good care of the Earth...

Otherwise we'll all have to relocate to Barcelona. Not the city Barcelona, the planet Barcelona. They've got dogs with no noses...

Hold up, that actually sounds kinda awesome. Let's abandon Earth and head to Barcelona! What? They have no chocolate? Fuck that shit, I'm staying on Earth!

Just a Quickie

2009-04-16T12:50:00.000-05:00

So, updates sound good, right?

Quickly:

1. Finished Directing Show: went great!
2. Finished Sleeping Beauty: went well.
3. Finished Puss in Boots: went good.
4. As of tomorrow will have finished a semester at Flagler (and then finals next week): went brilliantly!
5. Haven't finished children's theatre journals: gotta get on that.
6. TMJ is kicking up again: buggerwank.
7. Radio work starts up on the 30th: will be awesome! (must remember to throw in Sports Night quotes whenever possible)
8. Am a crappy friend, so will spend this afternoon e-mailing and messaging all my friend, asking for updates.

Whatever You Want, Just Keep Giving Me Chocolate Eggs

2009-04-12T19:35:00.001-05:00

So, Easter wasn't as lonely as I thought it would be. Brian grabbed me after church and asked if I had any place to go. I really did plan on lying, but I didn't, I told him that I had no plans. So he invited me to his place where he'd invited some other people about my age.

And it was a thousand times more fun than I ever thought. Turns out, Brian (known as Cute Priest) is a devious little prankster. I met several new people, including Laurie, whom I think I bonded with the most. Actually hugged her as we all parted ways. We played Marshmallow War with guns made from PVC pipe. Is it really strange that Brian kept aiming for me and shooting at me?

My new dress (as gifted from Laci, to whom i pretty much owe my soul) was a hit. looked great, even if running around playing shooting marshmallows out of piping was a bit difficult. No full agility (my excuse for why I was hit so often), but I did pull off a couple smooth moves.

"What do those clouds look like?" "Candyfloss"

2009-04-07T11:11:00.000-05:00

It’s not even noon and today has been one of the best days I’ve had up here. So it started out kinda blah, as we realised we had only a week to prepare our storytelling things. We’d all been so focused on Sleeping Beauty, we all but forgot about storytelling.

So after some bleckness and some costume-sorting, we were released to go to the library to find more Puss in Boots stories to adapt and make our show longer. Best laid plans…we never got there.

It’s Destress Day or something like that. There was a bouncy obstacle course, bouncy slides, bouncy bungee run, and a bouncy pedestal fight! I’d never been on any such thing before (terribly proper child), and were convinced they were death traps. But Al, dear Al, goaded me into each and every one and I loved it! Especially the obstacle course (even if I did bang the hell out f my knee and scrap up my elbow. Such fun! Also, the best part: free candyfloss! That’s right, free candyfloss (cotton candy for you Yanks)! I had three (cause there wasn’t much on any of them), so good and so happy. I loved it!

Come Ye Lords, Come Ye Ladies

2009-03-30T15:52:00.004-05:00

So I have final dress rehearsal for Sleeping Beauty in a few hours. Tell the truth, I'm really hoping for a kick in the pants about this show tomorrow. Because it's just been...frustrating. Like there's no creative process for me. I'm doing my best, but it's like I'm already over it. I hate that feeling. This is my goddamned passion and I don't want to find myself being lackluster in my enthusiasm because it's not how I would have done the show. I'm not the director and I'll just shut up now.

Happier things. Just printed out some new pictures for my journal. Haven't updated in a while and I need illustrations. Charlie'll be here on Thursday and I'm aflutter!

Also, last night's Family Guy with the entire cast of ST: TNG was the best thing I've ever seen on that show. Laughed my ass off when Patrick Stewart's elegant voice said "I've got girl boobs!" and him smacking poor Wil, who was being defeated by the evil crane game at the bowling alley! Michael Dorn's "I have to go to the bathroom" FTW!

The Outrageous Inspiration

2009-03-23T21:01:00.003-05:00

Tonight they had a repeat of The Outrageous Okona, the episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation that gave me the inspiration for my ever-lasting username: trekkiepirate.

Trekkie is, of course, for the term for Star Trek geeks (like myself). Pirate comes from the charming and eponymous rogue Okona. (nope, not Captain Mal Reynolds, that love came later) The below picture is the outrageous Okona himself. No wonder I find him...inspiring.

Open Letter to Eric Kripke

2009-03-20T09:41:00.002-05:00

Dear God,

First let me say thank you for creating Supernatural. It's an awesome show and makes my Thursday nights all the better for being there. Thank you also for casting Jared Padalecki and Jensen Ackles as the leads as they are very talented men (also hot. very hot)

I humbly ask only one thing, sir:
STOP BREAKING DEAN!!!

*calms* See, if you too much more to the character of Dean Winchester, we'll have to enter the realm of fantasy to believe a man could handle so much. It wouldn't be possible. Especially since he returned from Hell, he's been through so much and any more and I'm sure he'd crack. You've got a fifth season now, spread out the destruction a bit or it'll be impossible to believe Dean could stand it, strong a character as he is.

Now I can see the appeal. Jensen Ackles is a phenomenal actor and he gives heart-wrenching performances, but for the love of Toledo, leave off Dean for a few episodes. The preview for next week seemed to have Dean and Sam being office peons and not knowing each other. A nice little (oh hopefully dream) break from all the torment. That's good. If we can just keep this little bit of lightness for the next couple episodes, I think we're all be okay and Dean won't have to commit suicide in order to be believable anymore.

Thank you (not that you'll ever read this, but in the rare chance you do),
Beth

P.S. Sam's gotten creepy. Ease up a bit on him too.

Tribute to A Perfectly Marvelous Girl...

2009-03-19T12:03:00.002-05:00

I know I promised no sad things on this blog, but I felt this had to be mentioned.

Natasha Richardson, beautiful and brilliant actress of stage and screen, died at only 45. My thoughts (and I hope all of yours as well) go out to her family and friends.

I never met Natasha (though I really wanted to), but she was one of my absolute favourite actresses. I'm currently listening to the Cabaret revival in which she portrayed Sally Bowles (wonderfully) and later, I think I'll watch Blow Dry.

So instead of making this forbiddingly sad, join me in celebrating such a phenomenal actress who will be truly missed by all who knew her and knew her work.

Day One: Spring Break/Blink

2009-03-19T11:59:00.002-05:00

I got so bored that I did something I have never done before. I'm not proud of it, but I feel I must unburden my soul to you, my dear lieblings.

I...*takes a deep breath*...I...oh this is so hard to say...like a bandage, just rip it of...I VACUUMED! (and also learnt I do not know how to spell vacuum. In my defense, it is a dastardly word)

That's right, I got so bored, I vacuumed, took out the trash, did the laundry, and cleaned my room. and it's only Day One! By tomorrow, I'll be making macrame baskets and hemp bracelets. Save me, oh someone! A call, a text, an e-mail, do save me from the ennui!

Zanna...DO!

2009-03-15T14:40:00.000-05:00

http://www.sendspace.com/file/a8qidy

That's a link to Zanna...Don't! Brilliant Cast Recording, great (if short-lived) show!

Needed somewhere to keep the link, also I offer it up to you all!

I am Freakin' Velvety Smooth

2009-03-14T13:55:00.001-05:00

So the Talent Show rocked! I got the audience to moo with me (minus some stony girls in the front row, but whatever) which is always fun! Alicia’s rap went great (and she got Al up to be one of the back-up dancers), I could finally make out the words to Devin’s song, and Erica’s signing was really good. Sarah won with her rendition of “Hallelujah”, accompanying herself on the guitar. That girl can sing like a mofo!

I felt for the first time, like I really belonged here right now. Like I’ve got friends and can have fun and be crazy and no one will judge me. At peace.

Then on to YTrinity Café concert thingy. Had to retreat to the tables in the back to protect my ears (is everyone my age deaf or something?), but still a fun time. Crazy band with awesome costumes. Select Start was great (thanks Craig for the random song on your myspace so I had a frame of reference) and it turns out one of the guys went to Blake! (someone even yelled out ‘813!’, which gave me a small pang)

Best of all, I met a cute (I know, I’m incorrigible. I’m gonna blame Harkness and leave it at that) boy who played guitar and sang. Cute, quiet, wore a loose tie (squee!), and gorgeous! Finally got to talk to him for a minute just before I left (Select Start’s songs still ringing in my damaged ears). I’m pretty sure he was flirting back, or at least nervous rushed speech, trying to be smooth and crack jokes). Boosted the old ego a bit and believe me, I’ve needed that.

Maturity is for StupidHeads!

2009-03-07T23:12:00.002-05:00

Wrote it this morning, but Internet has been wonky. Hence the posting now:

So I feel like a ten year old. Remember when you told your parents that when you were ‘all grown up’ you would eat whatever you wanted for breakfast? Today, ladies and gentlemen, I have lived that dream!

Started with some coffee and scrambled eggs (cooked in a microwave, which apparently you can do). Decided the eggs looked lonely, so put them on a tortilla with some cheese, ham, and olives. Folded up my homemade breakfast burrito and ate that.

Roomie comes in and reminds me she’s cooking up the rest of the turkey bacon. So I get the burnt pieces of that (four or five, I don’t remember). Then Roomie gets a craving for chocolate ice cream and I, who didn’t get Cherry Garcia when last at grocery store, decide to encourage her into having a road trip to the Walgreens for some ice cream. We eat some of that when we get home.

So in a little less than two hours, I ate all that. I need to go walk to Georgia now to burn it all off. Actually, first Loose Screws because I saw a magical sign (Book Sale!), then if Internet is still being wonky to library to drop off books and get computer help (“Why does it go all Blue Screen of DEATH so often?”). Then to Anastasia Books for the book for Mum and maybe Kosmic Pizza for lunch. And I’m wearing a DoS shirt to check if the many rainbows around the entrance have a deeper meaning. Then more walking to burn that off…

(Edit: Didn't go to book sale. Went to Thrift Store instead and found a Darkwing Duck figurine...also other things. Somehow made it worthwhile. Did get book for Mum, did drop off books, tech help wasn't there, and planning on Kosmic Pizza between church and last day of Box office/Strike)

Can't Think of Clever Title

2009-03-05T22:31:00.003-05:00

So, I worked my final three hour, sit in the Box Office and try to not kill anyone shift today.

I have a Theatre History Midterm tomorrow (less than 12 hours away!) and plenty to do this weekend.

1. Stage Combat journal (about rapier, dagger and being happy to have found my ring)
2. Rehearse and learn a scene from Doubt (Watch your back, Meryl Streep!)
3. Meet Meg like every Friday and try not to have a crush on her.
4. While I'm at it, try not to have a crush on Greg either.
5. Do 3 rehearsal entries and a play/scene/character analysis.
6. Go to church on Sunday and try not to have a crush on the handsome priest.
7. And try to not have a crush on the girl in my dance class.
8. Do the Art Walk tomorrow, so I don't have to make my own food.
9. Work the shows: Friday, Saturday, and Sunday.

So...a lot of that has to do with not having crushes on people. *shakes head* Well, you know me, silly school girl in the extreme when it comes to crushes. I'll try not to doodle hearts...try =8->

Birthday Wishes

2009-03-01T19:28:00.002-05:00

Just wanted to take a minute and wish Jensen Ackles a very happy and awesome birthday today. Thirty-one never looked so good! May your birthday wish come true, Jensen.

Am exhausted. Going to make dinner, maybe play some Animal Crossing or surf channels, then sleep. Lots of sleep.

2009-02-28T14:51:00.002-05:00

I'm really beginning to cherish my Saturdays spent walking the streets of St. Augustine. Today I began by going to the Thrift Store Sale where I got eleven items for $5.50. Including a beautiful grey suede coat and a trench of my very own. Some men's shirts, some soft sweaters, one shirt from The Lion King Broadway Musical (SCORE!), a gorgeous bright blue with brilliant graphics, and a camel-coloured leather jacket.
Also, might have found some part time work at the House of Ireland (if they need it over the holidays and for St. Patty's Day) and a consignment shop to possibly sell some old clothes.

But that was not the highlight of the day:

I must have spent nearly two full hours talking to this man. He’s an artist and his work was on display at the gallery I went to last weekend. Turns out, he is the artist of my favourite of all the paintings. So I talked to him about the painting and my interpretation (Robert Johnson’s last moments). He asked if I was an artist, I said no. We discussed music (subject of much of his work), I replied I had no gift there either.
I told him I was an actress, so we discussed theatre and acting.
Acting and Painting have so much more in common than I thought. It’s about taking what is inside ourselves and putting it forward for others, not so they can see what we see, but so they can have an experience of their own.
We discussed films, our favourites, and what genres we liked. But we were always going back to the absolute peace that comes for him when he’s painting and for me when I am on a stage.
How perseverance and a leg-up are necessary, and how transformative good acting is. That the best art is probably that which just comes from the moment. That true satisfaction with one’s work is very difficult to attain and that perhaps future work is the better for it.

Son of a Preacher Man

2009-02-21T19:05:00.001-05:00

It’s been an odd sort of a day. But the perfect cure for the lousy week I’ve been having, that’s for sure. It began with the arrival of Wil Wheaton’s new book. I can’t wait to read it! Interesting things that happened while I wandered around, putting up posters:

1. The girl at the Bunnery recognised the girl in the poster, which I found interesting considering how stark the design of the poster.
2. I actually managed to find places for all the posters I took with me. I will probably ask for more and try to get them in more places.
3. I went to the nearby Episcopal church and met Father Brian. Quite handsome, I thought (dishy vicar) and kind. I…I do believe I’ll go to church tomorrow. I’ve never gone of my own accord and not willingly in many many years. I don’t know if this is a resurgence of faith…I mean, if any church you’d think I’d go with UU, but…maybe it’s because of Bishop Robinson and how he got to speak at the Inauguration and how the Episcopal church (parts of at least) are supportive of people like me. Maybe I just need something in the community, something I can be a part of so I don’t feel quite so alone here.
4. I went to an art gallery. And the work was beautiful. This one piece reminded me of Robert Johnson, and I’ve never heard a single one of his songs the whole way through. But it was beautiful and layered and still disjointed and…terrified. I got a sense of terror and frantic work, ‘get that last note down before the hell hounds come for me’. A woman working there was so kind to me (I think she wanted to make a sale), she must have thought I was older than I was and had money to spend on these works. I wish I did. Some were breathtaking. Some I loved, some I wanted to buy for people I knew. There was an artist there with her artist husband. They both had work up and both were also painting or retouching work at the same time right in the gallery. In his work, there was a sense of timelessness that drew me. He’d copy Renaissance works and in the foreground have young women that somehow were and were not a part of the reproduction painting. A modern retelling next to the original. And the woman had two paintings that struck me: someone walking in an autumn park at twilight, another walking past tall city buildings. The little figure, the Wanderer I named them in my head, was the draw. I don’t know why. But of all the paintings, the bluesy, jazzy one that I have nowhere to put and no way to afford was my favourite.
5. As I passed the nearby theatre on the way home, I noticed it was opening earlier to show movies at 5. I went in and looked around. My favourite of the many collections was the buttons. Hundreds of them, including The Man Without A Face. I knelt to look at it and just…felt safe with the image of the boy there, grown up now. I got my five dollar bill I had left and four quarters and I went to see Doubt.
6. Doubt was phenomenal. Absolutely brilliant. I would have preferred the Broadway cast (as I had seen them on tour), but Meryl Strep and Philip Seymour Hoffman and Amy Adams were all amazing. It didn’t feel as much like a movie as I thought, more like I was sitting on a stage with them, so close. Of course much was added to make the right running time for a movie and I do believe the play was better (when it is not?), but it was still a mesmerising film.Now I am determined to do a scene from it in Acting II and I’ll ask Josh, because he’d gushed over it as well.

Carry on my Wayward Son, There'll Be Peace When You Are Done...

2009-02-21T10:03:00.003-05:00

So, this week. Sucked.

I won't go into details, as I did promise to not. Suffice to say I can sum things up with song lyrics (as did with title and can do with everything in life...seriously)

My friends: "I thought together we'd amaze the world/how can I live my dreams or even start/when everything has come apart"
My finances: "I got plenty o' nuthin'"
Classwork piling up: "You have many spinning plates in the air and your feet are tangled in a mob of lemurs" (Okay, so that's a quote from Wil Wheaton, but whatever)
Missing Curtain Call, and Riviera and my mom and going to the bookstore and Deja Vu the stupid little birds that chirped me awake way too early every weekend morning: "They're not my home/not anymore/not like they so were before"

So, onto happier things:
1. I like my co-star (also like that word: co-star) =8->
2. Box Office shouldn't be too hard (unless I get held up and apparently, that's a possibly...)
3. I'm about to type up and post the next chapter of Perks of the Job, which may get me shot as I am going to mess with the boys *blames Teach*, then angst the hell of out everyone *again, blames Teach*
4. Mary's 20th birthday is Wednesday, so I'm gonna call her as it has been far too long since I've seen/spoke her! Already got her birthday sent out.
5. Got most of my errands done yesterday: only have to put up posters on St. George Street today!
6. Watched a gut-wrenching, heart-breaking film called What Makes a Family. Why is this on the happy list? Because it made me want to fight a whole lot harder for GLBT rights, especially in Florida. This is my home state and fuck all, if I let it continue to be the one dragging its feet on realising everyone deserves rights!

Happy Valentine's Day to:

2009-02-14T14:31:00.002-05:00

Myself!

I decided to spend the day having a great day. I'm watching all my favourite blooper reels (Supernatural, Torchwood, Sports Night, etc.) and behind the scenes featurettes and any other geeky thing that makes me smile and gives me a warm glow (Blood Drips Heavily on Newsies Square, I am looking at you!). Then I'm making my favourite meals (hazelnut coffee this morning, some of the Best Tacos Ever (TM) for lunch and reheated homemade mac'n'cheese for dinner.

Along with that, I'm sending little Valentines to all my friends to let them know how much I love them, but Collins knows I couldn't live without them and I don't tell any of them nearly often enough!

Since I Found Serenity...

2009-02-11T14:56:00.002-05:00

So, I had a particularly long stretch between my Acting and Stage Combat class today. Instead of coming home or taking a nap (like Alicia and Erica did), I explored the Flagler theatre.

Oh, it was beautiful. I found the ghost corners (areas where so few people have ever walked that they are marginally colder than other places in the theatre) and discovered an old secretary desk in a room at the very top. The drawer was deep and empty (no secret compartments, I checked) and I have this overwhelming urge to leave a note for the next explorer after me.

I did, however, find a Serenity Spot. Other than my closet floor (and I'm blaming/thanking Private Practice for that idea), the stairs hidden from view leading to the very top of the theatre are my new Serenity Spot. What I mean by that term is somewhere I can go, be alone and just breathe. I may take a book or a notebook next time, but I find Serenity Spots best for thinking. No moving, no props, just thinking.

Best Taco Ever (TM)

2009-02-08T15:23:00.003-05:00

Okay, I have invented the Best Taco Ever (TM).

Take one tortilla (I use wheat, but that's down to preference).
Cut one lime in half and squeeze a couple drops of juice. Use halved lime to spread it all over the tortilla.
Rip up some pieces of lettuce and put on top.
Next some thin BBQ-seasoned chicken from the little packages in the lunch meat section. about one and a half slices works best. Place on top of lettuce.
Shredded sharp cheddar cheese. Can use whatever kind of cheese floats your boat, but again, I prefer sharp cheddar.
Lastly, spoon over some diced tomatoes (I use the ones from a can, but that's because I'm lazy).

Fold however you like to fold your tacos and viola! Best Taco Ever (TM). I may share this recipe around, but no one can take it without credit. Hence the (TM). Also, may call up the brother and brag. Hahaha, maybe I'm not in culinary school, but I made some yummies, so there! *calms the hell down, I swear*

Care Package!

2009-02-06T14:54:00.001-05:00

So, my mum sent me a care package from home. This included:

1. The actual disc of Animal Crossing, which was not in the case I took.
2. Mocha and Triple chocolate M&Ms because my diet is screwed!
3. Hot chocolate insta-style.
4. A frickin' tub of Folger's coffee, which make Ianto's eyebrows rise so high, they hit his hairline.
5. Gift cards to Walmart (so I can buy properly-fitted jeans) and Publix (so I can buy food and stop surviving on PB&J on crackers, which I had eaten for the past couple meals)
6. Supernatural Seasons 1, 2, and 3! I didn't expect 3, but the others I knew were coming if I just planted the hints right... Which means I am geeking out and watching the bloopers and behind the scenes things. Always love those! Jared and Jensen are such dorks, such gorgeous dorks!
7. Assorted toiletries she found in my room.

Dydd Santes Dwynwen Hapus

2009-01-25T13:51:00.003-05:00

Happy Saint Dwynwen's Day to all you out their who have lovers. This is, much like Valentine's Day only with Welsh national pride, a day for celebrating being in love. Luckily it's not as commercialised and annoying as Valentine's Day (I'm assuming, not living in Wales where they might be being inundated with people running around being all Hallmarky.

So to all of you who read this blog and are in love, many blessings to ya! For those of you single souls like myself, dress up snazzy and go treat yourself to something nice. Have a love affair with yourself!

And the Stars, in Their Multitude...

2009-01-22T19:53:00.002-05:00

So, after a pretty damned awesome day (only the end of maths and the realisation from Drama Prod. made it less than fully awesome), I'm all ready to settle in, watch me some telly (Ugly Betty, Supernatural, Private Practice), and go to sleep.

What was so awesome about today?
1. Ballroom dance class! Had to be the guy, as there are never enough, but learned 'dance position', the cha-cha and some basic steps. Also got to dance with some lovely ladies.
2. I think I'm making friends in my theatre classes. Alicia, Nelsie, Owain (spelled the Welsh way!), Al. So maybe I'll soon feel less lonely.
3. On my way back from maths, one of the horse-drawn carriage drivers called out to me. She dropped her whip, which I fetched. She then rewarded me by driving me part of the way back home. A $60 privilege for free! Granted it was only about half a block, but that's not the point. I got to lean back, relax and stare at the hundreds of stars in the clear sky. Beautiful, majestic, made my problems seem as stupid and trivial as they are...

What sucked?
1. May not be able to graduate by December. Gorram it! I can't stay in school so much longer. No money for tuition, no job to get money for tutition, no desire to stay...
2. That I actually didn't find one guy to prove they aren't all the same. Still just Matt and Craig and Mat on that one...

Half-estastic, Half-dejected

2009-01-19T14:00:00.003-05:00

So I think I've finally settled myself into St. Augustine. I made myself a cup of coffee and ate Frosted Flakes on the same couch I used to watch the Britcoms on Saturday nights while my parents and grandparents played poker.

Yeah, we have actual furniture now. The fam brought it yesterday. Way more than we'll need, but at least now it's staying in the family instead of going to the RAS at Gran's complex.

I keep getting these moments...missing my friends, my CC family, *laughs* missing Chipotle's (cannot find one!) and food other than what I can make.

Loving right now:
1. That the TRAVELING BELT HAS BEEN FOUND! Hear that, girls! I am so sorry, but it must have been me who lost the belt. *ducks head humbly* But it's back!
2. I have met someone. *grins* His name is John, he's a Theatre minor and he's funny and loud and weird and has a Triforce tattooed on his wrist. And gorgeous eyes, can't forget the eyes!
3. Have found a brilliant little used bookstore to frequent!

Hating right now:
1. Knowing I should go shower and head to the bookstore, but too lazy to do so.
2. It's too bloody cold!

All You've Got to Do is Dream...

2009-01-13T15:58:00.000-05:00

Just finished watching Dreamgirls (Oh my Collins, it was amazing!) with my roommate. We sat on beach chairs and ate burnt popcorn. Oh for my whole adult life to be as easy and fun as this.

One downside is that the song "Family" kept coming up and every time it did, I felt a pang for my Curtain Call family. Craig, Erin, Jennie, Mat, Sarah, Vickie, Dana. I know none of you read this blog (hell, since Mat didn't even know I'd moved, I'm assuming you don't read my facebook or myspace either), but I just want all of you, not just Craig, Erin, and Mat (who's numbers I have and could text) that I love and miss you.

You all will forever be a part of my family. Just like my girls (Mary, Alex, Aubrey, Evie) and my boys (my Harry, my drunken Irish fairy). Love and miss you all.

Settlin' Ain't the Same as Settlin' Down

2009-01-11T19:13:00.002-05:00

So I've been in St. Augustine a week and a resident for six days. Had orientation today, so boring. Upside: Got halfway through my book in the boredom. Downside: Bored and now mentally exhausted without being physically in the same way, so sleep is out of the question.

Obviously I'll just have to read Jack/Ianto and Jared/Jensen fics for the rest of the night, then go kick some ass in Paper Mario. Oh dearie me, what hardship. *grins*

Also, unsure if should eat dinner now (as am starving) or wait to see if roommate plans to grab something to eat and tagging along.

Will fully describe new flat/roommate/classes/Flagler when have more energy in the brainpan.

Also, Mat called me yesterday to ask me about a monologue (still the go-to for theatre issues *glees*) and when we could hang out. Bit difficult, I said, as I now live in St. Augustine. He'd not known I was leaving. *shakes head fondly* Silly boy. Must look up the Mandarin for little brother, so I have something to call him.

They're Not My Home, Not Anymore

2009-01-06T17:30:00.003-05:00

Lease to be signed and notarized tomorrow! All my stuff moved in and put away! My roommate, S, does not return until tomorrow!

Truthfully this is my second night in the apartment, but I didn't have the internet last night. I did play a lot of Paper Mario though (too much excitement, I know!)

So, I've got a new town, new address, and a new chapter. I'd call it a new start, but that imples a finish with Tampa and, much as some people there can piss me off, Tampa was the closest to home I ever had. So until I find the place I want to settle (or settle into anyway because I get an awesome recurring role on say Supernatural or Torchwood (hope against hope)), this apartment in St. Augustine Florida is home.

Off to conquer the town. And by town, I mean Paper Mario. And by conquer I mean, figure out how to use the damn KOOPA!

Don't Forget to Remember Me

2009-01-04T10:59:00.001-05:00

So, last post from Tampa as I make my way to St Augustine, Flagler and a new life!

My nerves are beyond frazzled out, I'm thisclose to a break-down and I'm scared I may not have packed some of my 'essentials'. *flails madly*

*takes deep breath* Better? *shakes head*

*another breath* I can do this. I am strong and I am not alone. My friends are a phone call away and I'm sure I'll make more friends at Flagler.

It's a Brand New Day and the Sun is High

2009-01-01T08:39:00.002-05:00

First post of the new year: 2009. Wow...where the hell is my gorram flying car? And the transporter? I was promised! *pouts*

So, packing is winding down and I'm trying to convince my mom to leave my room be until I come back in March (I promised Mr. Steve I would come back, so I shall) and can finish going through everything (read: my life)

What I am determined to accomplish this year (distinct from resolutions in that I actually plan to keep these):

1. Have a lover (because it's been too gorram long since I've gone on a date! or had sex!)
2. Finish my BA by the end of this year (because I've got a screentest with my name on it and if it kills me or worse, takes me to LA, I will work on shows I love, maybe even films I'm proud of)
3. Be in a show (whether at Flagler or in the area around, I will build up that resume and audition for everything I think I have time and energy for)
4. Get a job (because I'm going to have to learn to take care of myself and my own finances)
5. Up my self-defence skills (in the fervent hope I'll never have to use them)

It's Our Whole Life Down to One Box

2008-12-29T09:57:00.002-05:00

So, packing is driving me bonkers. I've filled tons of (granted small) boxes and I haven't packed most of my books or movies or clothes. But I've got all the photos and posters and things down from my ceiling and walls and door. My room looks so bare and I choked up a couple times. Found some old colouring pictures, old photos of Aaron (still get a twinge when I see them), lots of random things I want to keep and some I'm happy to toss away.

It just feels so final. I know that since I'll never live at home again, it is final. But I've spent over fifteen years in that room and those four walls house my safe haven. Soon I'll be tossed out into the world to find another safe place, somewhere to call home (at least temporarily until I really find my Home). It's a good thing in a way. This isn't my home, not anymore, not like it so was before.

I'm already gone. Now I just need to make that possible.

Merry Christmas, Bitches!

2008-12-25T07:41:00.002-05:00

So, before all the crazies come over later, I thought I'd shoot off this little post.

My haul:
1. All the stuff I wanted (minus Almost Perfect, which must not have come in yet *is sad*)
2. A really really superawesome! DVD player that also plays CDs and photos and stuff.
3. Gamecube of my own(!) with Harvest Moon, Cel Damage, and Crazy Taxi to play!
4. The Dark Knight (surprise, surprise, it was left in the bag for anyone to see what had been gotten)
5. The Christmas Bear (the book I read religiously around Christmas at my first school). I quite literally cried.
6. Love Poems by Nikki Giovanni-perfect gift, I'd say!

Have a grand whatever-you-celebrate, my lieblings!

Insanium in the Cranium

2008-12-21T20:41:00.002-05:00

So, back from Kris' house after Torchwood Day Part Deux! As usual, I brought the pretties of Torchwood and we all sat around and gawked.

We learned that to be Gwen one must: run fast, snap your head to look at things, cry into pizza. Captain Jack Harkness was the undisputed favourite episode (no change there then). After we finished the first series, we watched the next episode of Supernatural (Dean astral-projects! Papa Winchester dies! Sammy plays with a Ouija board!) and then viewed (and sang along to) Buffy's "Once More, With Feeling".

Also played Cranium, which was fun as hell and just as insane. Teamed up, first Boys vs. Girls, then Couch vs. Not Couch. Have no idea who won or how to even tell, but had an absolute blast!

Jorge drove me and Justin home and in the car, we cranked the music (to eleven, which my ears still protest to) and sang from different Broadway shows! Always a fun time.

I am going to miss these crazy, awesome, obsession-sharing, disturbingly-good-game-playing people in St Augustine!

Today's the Day After Yesterday

2008-12-19T10:32:00.001-05:00

I am no longer a teenager. I keep writing (fine, typing) that and I still don't quite believe it. There's no "Today is the first day of the rest of my life", choirs of celestial voices, or anything like that. I feel the same as I did yesterday. Is something supposed to change?

What I truly want for my birthday:
1. A black leather jacket. Wanted one for years, but far too expensive.
2. Tosh and Owen to not be dead anymore.
3. Three hours to myself.
4. A lover.
5. For all my packing to be magically done.
6. For Mary to be here to celebrate with me.
7. Peace on earth and a salami sub.

History is a Mystery That's There to be Discovered

2008-12-12T17:23:00.002-05:00

Went to the Ringling's (yeah the circus people, though I skipped that bit) Museum to see the Ancient Egyptian exhibit.

Loved:
1. The Kimonos in the Japanese display were exquisite.
2. Remembering I'd been there before and having these little flashes of memory.
3. The beautiful paintings, the pieces of Egyptian life, the elegant manor house, the whole atmosphere seemed infused with a sense of history.
4. Gorgeous gardens, including a Secret Garden where I did most of the lines from The Secret Garden (book, movie, and musical)
5. Being able to be amazed.

Hated:
1. CHILDREN EVERYWHERE! I have no idea how many groups of schoolchildren were being apathetically guided through by my No. 2
2. The docents really didn't know what they were talking about. They got tons of things inaccurate or didn't know key things to point out (i.e. how in Ruebens' work, the character looking out of the painting is always a self-portrait of the artist)
3. Couldn't find replacement Bast earrings *cries*

Free at Last, Free at Last

2008-12-10T17:01:00.002-05:00

Thanks Collins All-Awesome, I am free at last!

Well, at least until January starts a new semester. Though that semester will be at a different school, not at home, and I will be (all together now, class) independent!

Things I'm loving right now: country Christmas songs-"Christmas Cookies", "Holiday in Your Heart", "Angels Among Us", being free to do whatever for the rest of the year, my birthday being in a week and a half, de-stressing with a magazine and a hot cup of cider
Things I'm hating right now: the way my jaw thingy has kicked up again despite (or because of) seeing the oral surgeon who told me there is nothing wrong but stress, my back is killing me and my eyes are feeling like the juice has been sucked from them (blame metaphor on Joe vs. the Volcano)

Things I Should be Doing Now:

2008-12-05T14:12:00.003-05:00

1. Revising my final papers for Queer Theory and Feminism

2. Taking inventory of the things I got from my grandma so I'll know what sort of kitchen/dining items I'll need before I move to St Augustine.

3. Finding a roommate in St Augustine.

4. Not be thinking about decorating my room for Christmas, as it will just all need to be taken down and put back in its boxes before said move.

5. Studying for Human Geography and Medieval Society exams.

6. Making up my Christmas list which now consists of two concrete items (John Barrowman's new CD and Torchwood Series 2) and several desperately-wished-for items that I won't ask for because they are a. silly or b. far too expensive.

Unforgettable

2008-12-01T23:09:00.000-05:00

I’ve loved others, so many others in so many ways. And maybe some of the people I love now I’ll forget or just let fade away someday.

It just happens, without you even noticing it. Your heart changes. Today you love people you didn’t know existed three years or three months ago. And people you thought you were going to love forever, people you promised you’d never forget: maybe you did forget them. You didn’t mean to, but you did.
Hearts change. It’s the lucky people who can still love their childhood sweetheart twenty or fifty or more years down the road. That’s so rare, no matter what the teary movies tell you.

I know it’s happened for me. I know there are people I once loved that I don’t anymore. But I can’t recall their names unless I look into old diaries and the articles I once saved meticulously.

But that’s okay. It happens. And now I have others I can love. And years from now, I’ll probably forget some of them and let others take their place.
Of course, there are those who spark something inside me that will never, ever allow me to forget them.

Craig, Vic, Aubrey, Alex, Evie, Mary, John, Anthony, Adam, Chris, Nick. The unforgettables.

Blood Doesn't Make a Family, Love Does.

2008-11-27T23:55:00.002-05:00

So, it’s a half hour before midnight on Thanksgiving and I have been remiss. Now is the time I thank the characters who live in my head (and my heart).

Thanksgiving is supposed to be all about family (also turkey and the taking over of Native American land, but I digress), so I want to take this opportunity to say a word of thanks for the characters I know and love. To begin with, my Mimi: you were my first and my most constant. I love you chica! To Mark, Roger, Joanne, Angel, Collins, and little Gloria (who is growing up so very fast). To the boys who study history in Hector’s class and the ones who sell papes on the streets. To the coffee shop owner and her family, to her clients, to the Torchwood team (and assorted partners and children spanning the verses I’ve created for them), to the Doctor in the TARDIS and Rose in the Parallel World. To the garden boy and the piano girl. To the other Captain in braces and his crew of misfits who fit together. To the characters I created and the ones I borrowed from those better than I. To the characters who are me and the ones who are my friends and family. To the tart with a heart and the OC kids with kids. To the determined Helena and the puckish Robin Goodfellow. To the princess with a passion for fashion and the dirty rotten girl. To the love sleuth and the girl in the fuzzy pink bra. To Wilson caring loudly in his office, to the scared girls with Huntington’s. To the boys of Babylon and the vampires of the Underground. To the older versions of my young characters. To the Angel and the Demon who bring Good Omens. To Nancy and Tegan and the drama they provide with Hannah and Russel by their side. From the Brooklyn Heights to London’s Underground, from South Wales to the land east of the Mississippi River. From the Evans’ to the Lloyd’s. From the Harkness-Jones’ to the Marquez-Jefferson’s. From the newest arrival Rosie to the teenage version of Gloria and Radames II.

I give thanks for each and every one of you. You’re all brilliant characters that any writer would be lucky to work with and I’m thrilled to call you all mine. To you all: thanks for being there.

The Way We Get By

2008-11-24T16:32:00.002-05:00

Spent all of yesterday (around eight whole hours) at Kris' house yesterday, watching Torchwood with her, Justin, and Jorge from Miracle Worker. I did the best lines along with the telly, shushed our commentary for the best lines "He just..." "Came and went.", and generally made a dork of myself (even hid under my jacket during the more gory bits of Countrycide). But the best part was I was being a geek in front of people who are geeks as well! Justin and Jorge are now Torchwood fans, so my work is done!

But as the saying I have just made up goes: "As you shareth your obsessions with others, so shall they shareth their obsessions with you." Translation: I watch 3/4 of an episode of Supernatural and just HAD to finish it when I got home. Bless you oh, surfthechannel.com. Now, as soon as I finish my gorram papers for Queer Theory and Feminism (assuming I ever do finish them before I commit hari-kari), I am going to watch more episodes.

What clinched the fact that I would now seek out Supernatural? This clip, as shown by Kris:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bgd30bjQmes

Connection in an Isolating Age

2008-11-21T19:02:00.000-05:00

So, I spent my afternoon hanging out with Evie and Aubrey. We had Chipotle's (which hurt like hell due to jaw-thingy, but I fought through), then headed off to the mall.

On the way we sung Rent (haven't done that in far far too long), finishing with "Out Tonight" before we got out of the car. Then we just wandered around, looking at nothing and everything. Eventually the characters started mucking about (Ianto is unnerved by Roger, exasperated by Jack, likes Rose, and is still snappy with the Doctor, we've learned). Evie bought some CDs for their road trip/move to Arizona *cries and misses already*

Then we came home and hung out for a while. Showed Aubrey the pics from Dragon*Con (Evie was discussing WoW with my brother *rolls eyes*), and the posters and pictures with the boys. Told them the story of Gareth's name plate being in my possession, the friends I made, the fun I had...

Here comes the particularly fun bit: Evie bought me my first vibrator (it's pretty and pink). Which seems paradoxically really weird and like a rite of passage. Bugger is I have no AAA's. Fuckwank!

Instrumental

2008-11-20T21:26:00.003-05:00

So as I was finishing up a phone call before Feminism today, I slowed to a stop to say goodbye. I happened to look to my right, then quickly again to be sure I wasn't seeing things.

Or people.

Minas, who I knew from my very first acting class was standing there, looking just as surprised to see me. We were both shocked, but quickly hugged. We discuss how we'd all lost touch and how good it was to see each other again. He introduced me to his friend Michael (whom I apparently danced with at Minas' birthday party. I don't remember that, but he was cute, so I'm fine with it =8->). Minas has (obviously) grown up quite a bit in the nearly three and a half years since we've seen each other. Taller (but he was always), scruffy-faced (in a good way), and his voice got much deeper. Uninvited, the tiny crush I'd harboured on him decided to show back up (looking extremely tan from the vacation it's been on for three and a half years) and flutter it's manic wings. I walked into my class grinning like a loon, staring off into space, the whole deal.

He asked if I have my classes at 2 every Tuesday and Thursday. I said I do. Maybe that means we'll see each other again. You never know. See? That's the flutter I was talking about...

5 Reasons Why Jennifer Baumgardner is my Hero

2008-11-17T18:39:00.003-05:00

1. Her book Look Both Ways: Bisexual Politics was the first I'd ever seen with the word bisexual on the cover. It is brilliant and inspired me in so many ways I cannot even begin to describe.

2. She is a kickass feminist and activist who campaigns for all the things we need: GLBT rights, women's rights creating a dialogue about abortion, creating a dialogue about rape.

3. At the lecture she gave today, she was incredibly intelligent and clever and she's coming from a place of research, not just feelings.

4. She's gorgeous. (Shallow, I know)

5. While I was waffling on about how awesome she is after the lecture as she was signing books, I mentioned that if I had the money I would buy her book. If I wasn't a fool, I'd have brought Bisexual Politics to ask her to sign. Wanna know what she did? She bought me a copy of her own book. I coudn't even manage the words to refute the gesture or thank her for her kindness. I think I stumbled out something about how awesome she is and kind and shook her hand. All I could manage, I turned to intellectual jelly in her presence.

Find something she's done: one of her amazing books, the film I Had An Abortion that she helped create, an article she's written...anything and read it. She's absolutely wonderful and more people need to read her work. She's a visionary and that is not a word I throw out all the time, believe you me. Trust me and go read her work.

A Day Spent Cooing Over Crafts: Priceless

2008-11-16T00:16:00.002-05:00

There's always been something about craft fairs for me. Now I have pretty much no practical uses at all; I am nearly inept at making arts and crafts. But I am amazed by other people's ingenuity.

Similarly, I'm also a huge fan of yard sales (might have one of my own to help pay for school). Next door had one today, so after returning from the craft fair I headed over. I like the almost voyeuristic aspect of buying someone else's things. You look at their offerings and wonder where they got them and how and why.

Today's purchases:
Craft Fair
A sweet little shell ornament to remind me of home when I'm in St Augustine (and later Cardiff) -.50
A white snowflake ornament sprinkled with green and purple face made by the kiddies of the church. Along with a lovely card featuring a Christmas scene on the coast (to put Mum's gift in) -1.00
A painted wooden good luck elephant, a inlaid wood cat, and a keychain that says: Love is a sweet poison (bit more...cynical is perhaps the right word, than I normally like, but something called to me) -7.00
Scrabble tile pendant: A bit of French art (le journal) with an E on the opposite side. -6.00
The big purchase was an absolutely beautiful pen with a pattern of purple swirls along the shaft. -20.00

Yard Sale
I would like to invoke Excuse #294 (Barrowman made me do it!) into play here. A lovely cotton wall hanging with Robert Burns on it, along with a quote and pictures of Scottish landmarks. -.50
A Kitchen Witch with hooks on the bottom of the panel. I'll need all the help I can get in my own kitchen... -.50
The Bells of St Mary's VHS (Mum's present): an old Bing Crosby movie that I adore. -.50
Travel the World: Italy VHS (because if I go to Verona, I should have at least some background knowledge) -.50
A red beret that I am going to figure out how to hide my hair in if only to fasten on a waistcoat and declare my Ianto Jones w/Red Unit Cap *winks* -1.00

See? Christmas shopping, new flat shopping and damn good time all for less than $40. Course now I will need to have my own yard sale in order to cover the costs and make some extra towards Christmas shopping for everyone else on my list.

I Feel Like a 4th Grade Dweeb

2008-11-14T12:20:00.003-05:00

Okay, so now I apparently need an MRI *whimpers* to find out what the flingin' flangin' hell is wrong with my jawline or teeth or whatever. The mouth did diddly squat in making me able to eat. And it's really fucking awkward.

What I'm loving right nowi: Rascal Flatts, Sugarland, Brad Paisley and Lady Antebellum all picked up awards at the CMAs on Wednesday; The Uncommon Reader is being shipped to me and I'll have it soon; I'm hoping to make some money selling my unwanted books (Push come to shove, I'll take 'em to school and barter); Jon Stewart's verbally ass-kicking Bill O'Reilly; the film Quid Pro Quo which is fucking amazing (Go watch now!)
What I'm hating right now: The continuing inability to eat without pain; people giving me advice about said inability to eat (rather starve than drink Ensure); my NaNo count is still below 20k and tomorrow's the halfway point.

Off to kick my own ass into gear!

Look to the Western Sky...

2008-11-11T17:17:00.002-05:00

I have decided to officially claim the couch on the patio (where the dog used to sleep before the poor love got so old and fat she could no longer get up there) as my own.

I was sitting there this morning, nursing my cup of coffee sweetened to within an inch of its life and Ianto's patience. I had my book (Princess Sultana's Daughters for those interested), my sudoku puzzles (I am a sad addict), a pen (which came in handy as I got a story idea as I lay there) and I could just look up and see the uncluttered blue sky.

Never mind the condensing voices coming from the telly or the banging around in the kitchen as someone made their breakfast, I was at peace. Warm and contented. *sighs*

Update

2008-11-09T23:31:00.006-05:00

So it's been a while since I posted, so let's you all up to speed on me, all right my lieblings?

1. Had a run of The Miracle Worker at Masque Theatre. Went off brilliantly, tripped and fell on my ass one night (when my friends were there no less) and made some bloody brilliant friends! Who I really should be scheduling to watch Torchwood with one of these days when I'm feeling less lazy.
2. Went to Maine to visit my childhood best friend Caralyn for her baby shower (She's since had the child. Baby girl named Lilian, to be called Lily and Red for as long as I speak of her) Learned I hate long flights.
3. Went to Dragon*Con in Atlanta. Made friends with four other girls (Mary-Keith, Chris, Lisa, Nancy), two adorkable boys (Charlie and Andy) and kissed a Welshman (Gareth David-Lloyd, bitches! and James Marsters called me "gorgeous")
4. NaNo is in full swing, hence the obvious procrastination exercise that this is.

For those souls interested in my NaNo, here's my plans:
1. Novella-The 42 Adventures of Jack and Ianto-fluffy fanfic crossover of Torchwood and Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy...and whatever else I fancy
2. Novella-Monopoly (don't ask why)-new girl in Torchwood, who is not a MarySue because she's not dating anyone...although she did flirt with Tosh before RTD broke my heart and killed her off. Not to be confused with my "Girl who's been in Torchwood this whole time...tralalala"
3. Novella, trying to become my whole novel-Untitled as of now-Original characters (oh, I remember those things) Nancy and Tegan making a go of it in a flat in Cardiff. Nancy's a drag king MC at the local lesbian bar (if anyone catches the reference tell me and I'll buy you a drink) and her girlfriend Tegan is an interior designer. Together with their landlady Hannah, Tegan's best friend Russel and her sister (and Nancy's ex) Kate, an occasional cameo by their families the two young women attempt to balance life, reality, and the whole crazy shebang.
4. Various stories, most involving songs I love or ideas I couldn't get rid of.

Okay, let's end with my new bit of fun.
What I'm loving right now: Series 2 of Secret Diary of a Call Girl, Ghirardelli dark chocolate squares, being the thinnest I've ever been

What I'm hating right now: My Medieval Society paper being due tomorrow when it's about half-done and half-assed, this fucking tooth or jaw or TMJ or whatever the hell is wrong and how no one can fix it and I'm starving, that my download is going to take another hour yet.

Mucho love, my lieblings! May those of you doing NaNo be blessed with big word counts!

I've Got TB!!!

2008-07-19T12:44:00.002-05:00

Pardon the multiple exclamation points. You know those fuzzy little dolls of various viruses and diseases? Well, I got some for tuberculosis (which I needed the side of the canister to spell properly) finally! Been wanting them for years and yes, Aubrey, I do blame you for that. *giggles*

Also, on the radio they had a Welshman! Now for those of you who know me, you know that I have acquired a real fetish for Welsh accents (and those beautiful Welsh vowels). Personally, I blame Gareth David-Lloyd for this...

Lastly, Dr. Horrible's Sing-A-Long blog. Go...go now...watch and revel in its hilarity!
http://drhorrible.com/
The world is a mess and I just need to rule it!

You Don't Wanna Miss This

2008-06-14T09:05:00.003-05:00

So, yesterday was amazing! Went to the beach with my (soul)sisters: Mary and Rachel. I haven't been to the beach in so long, I forgot how much I love going. Didn't tan though, burnt and it hurts like a dominatrix.

While bouncing in the water, we had such great talks. Mostly about sex *shrugs* we're young, what else is there for us *grins*. Finally got the full story about Mary's first time. And Rachel's. Hell, we spent most of it detailing our sexytime escapades. FUN! Got ice cream, walked to the pier (which is made of fucking CONCRETE and was very HOT, worse than the white sand), lay out to tan (only Rachel managed it though), collected some sea shells, and just had the best time!

Bonus: Found a ride to Pride (oh that rhymed) this year: Jordan and Rachel. Maybe grab Mattie and Craig on the way, woot!

Single Frames of One Magic Night

2008-06-01T17:09:00.005-05:00

So last was my last night at Curtain Call. I sobbed so much. I'm am going to miss that place like hell and I'll have to visit every so often to keep my sanity.

They loved the gifts I got them. Jennie put up her photograph, Vickie was happy for her guide to London (as Londoners know nothing about their own city), Mat said he'd listen to every song on his Latin dance music, Craig was happy to get a new movie and I told him he needed to learn who Cole Porter was, Erin grinned and knew it was The History Boys before she'd finished opening it, Sarah (and all of us) laughed when she held up her "Big Girls Use the Potty" book. And Natalie was so sweetly enthused about the acting book I got her. I told her I was leaving my legacy to her and she better take care of Curtain Call for me.

Throughout the show, we cried, sobbed, laughed, and threw everything into our performances. At the curtain calls, I got a standing ovation, not the show: ME! I had just calmed down and that set me off again. My friends (the sneaks) gave me a journal and a scrapbook of the ABCs of me, signed by all the kids. My favourite letters were K-kinky, J-Jeff Dunham, A-act (with pictures of House, Torchwood and Rent) and of course F-friends.

After we finished 'Family' and surprised Craig, we wandered offstage hugging and crying. I heard sobs and went to find Craig with Erin comforting him. I assisted, cuddling him and stroking his head. He told me the song was for me too: I know it was. Then Sarah got Erin and they left and I was alone with Craig. Then I did it. I kissed him, chastely and sweetly, trying to tell him everything I feel about him in that kiss. He responded and I held him once again before leaving him to himself (which broke my heart to do). The kiss held no fireworks or ringing bells, just love and comfort. He knows I love him, maybe one day I'll be able to tell him I'm in love with him.

After a brief stop at Beef's (where Craig and I were glomped the second we walked in by the Juniors) and a longer one for liquor, we went to Sarah's house. It's within walking distance of mine, never knew. We watched the video Mat and Vickie made for Craig, then Mat had to leave. We had sandwiches and snickered at Craig with his cheese balls. Sarah whacked her cast on the table, read aloud from "Big Girls Use the Potty", and Erin laughed so hard she couldn't breathe...twice! We retired to watch Sarah's first performance as a little 5/6 year old.

Then came the Air hockey tournament. I beat Vickie, but Craig beat me (damn distracting boy!). Apparently, when I play I get this intense look of concentration on my face. I was trying to calculate angles, but I'm crap at maths. I had a rematch with Craig (who remained undefeated despite being hit several times when Sarah sent the puck flying), but I was picked up before we could finish. I will have that rematch one day though!

I knew this would hurt, leaving and all. But...it does, I won't deny it, but it also leaves this strange fuzzy feeling. Because I know I will be missed, that I'm loved. I haven't felt that very often (just with my Blake friends when I left, but on a smaller scale). And I will see them again after all, come hell or high water. I'm not losing contact with the friends of my life!