Monday, December 29, 2008

It's Our Whole Life Down to One Box

So, packing is driving me bonkers. I've filled tons of (granted small) boxes and I haven't packed most of my books or movies or clothes. But I've got all the photos and posters and things down from my ceiling and walls and door. My room looks so bare and I choked up a couple times. Found some old colouring pictures, old photos of Aaron (still get a twinge when I see them), lots of random things I want to keep and some I'm happy to toss away.

It just feels so final. I know that since I'll never live at home again, it is final. But I've spent over fifteen years in that room and those four walls house my safe haven. Soon I'll be tossed out into the world to find another safe place, somewhere to call home (at least temporarily until I really find my Home). It's a good thing in a way. This isn't my home, not anymore, not like it so was before.

I'm already gone. Now I just need to make that possible.

Thursday, December 25, 2008

Merry Christmas, Bitches!

So, before all the crazies come over later, I thought I'd shoot off this little post.

My haul:
1. All the stuff I wanted (minus Almost Perfect, which must not have come in yet *is sad*)
2. A really really superawesome! DVD player that also plays CDs and photos and stuff.
3. Gamecube of my own(!) with Harvest Moon, Cel Damage, and Crazy Taxi to play!
4. The Dark Knight (surprise, surprise, it was left in the bag for anyone to see what had been gotten)
5. The Christmas Bear (the book I read religiously around Christmas at my first school). I quite literally cried.
6. Love Poems by Nikki Giovanni-perfect gift, I'd say!

Have a grand whatever-you-celebrate, my lieblings!

Sunday, December 21, 2008

Insanium in the Cranium

So, back from Kris' house after Torchwood Day Part Deux! As usual, I brought the pretties of Torchwood and we all sat around and gawked.

We learned that to be Gwen one must: run fast, snap your head to look at things, cry into pizza. Captain Jack Harkness was the undisputed favourite episode (no change there then). After we finished the first series, we watched the next episode of Supernatural (Dean astral-projects! Papa Winchester dies! Sammy plays with a Ouija board!) and then viewed (and sang along to) Buffy's "Once More, With Feeling".

Also played Cranium, which was fun as hell and just as insane. Teamed up, first Boys vs. Girls, then Couch vs. Not Couch. Have no idea who won or how to even tell, but had an absolute blast!

Jorge drove me and Justin home and in the car, we cranked the music (to eleven, which my ears still protest to) and sang from different Broadway shows! Always a fun time.

I am going to miss these crazy, awesome, obsession-sharing, disturbingly-good-game-playing people in St Augustine!

Friday, December 19, 2008

Today's the Day After Yesterday

I am no longer a teenager. I keep writing (fine, typing) that and I still don't quite believe it. There's no "Today is the first day of the rest of my life", choirs of celestial voices, or anything like that. I feel the same as I did yesterday. Is something supposed to change?

What I truly want for my birthday:
1. A black leather jacket. Wanted one for years, but far too expensive.
2. Tosh and Owen to not be dead anymore.
3. Three hours to myself.
4. A lover.
5. For all my packing to be magically done.
6. For Mary to be here to celebrate with me.
7. Peace on earth and a salami sub.

Friday, December 12, 2008

History is a Mystery That's There to be Discovered

Went to the Ringling's (yeah the circus people, though I skipped that bit) Museum to see the Ancient Egyptian exhibit.

1. The Kimonos in the Japanese display were exquisite.
2. Remembering I'd been there before and having these little flashes of memory.
3. The beautiful paintings, the pieces of Egyptian life, the elegant manor house, the whole atmosphere seemed infused with a sense of history.
4. Gorgeous gardens, including a Secret Garden where I did most of the lines from The Secret Garden (book, movie, and musical)
5. Being able to be amazed.

1. CHILDREN EVERYWHERE! I have no idea how many groups of schoolchildren were being apathetically guided through by my No. 2
2. The docents really didn't know what they were talking about. They got tons of things inaccurate or didn't know key things to point out (i.e. how in Ruebens' work, the character looking out of the painting is always a self-portrait of the artist)
3. Couldn't find replacement Bast earrings *cries*

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Free at Last, Free at Last

Thanks Collins All-Awesome, I am free at last!

Well, at least until January starts a new semester. Though that semester will be at a different school, not at home, and I will be (all together now, class) independent!

Things I'm loving right now: country Christmas songs-"Christmas Cookies", "Holiday in Your Heart", "Angels Among Us", being free to do whatever for the rest of the year, my birthday being in a week and a half, de-stressing with a magazine and a hot cup of cider
Things I'm hating right now: the way my jaw thingy has kicked up again despite (or because of) seeing the oral surgeon who told me there is nothing wrong but stress, my back is killing me and my eyes are feeling like the juice has been sucked from them (blame metaphor on Joe vs. the Volcano)

Friday, December 5, 2008

Things I Should be Doing Now:

1. Revising my final papers for Queer Theory and Feminism

2. Taking inventory of the things I got from my grandma so I'll know what sort of kitchen/dining items I'll need before I move to St Augustine.

3. Finding a roommate in St Augustine.

4. Not be thinking about decorating my room for Christmas, as it will just all need to be taken down and put back in its boxes before said move.

5. Studying for Human Geography and Medieval Society exams.

6. Making up my Christmas list which now consists of two concrete items (John Barrowman's new CD and Torchwood Series 2) and several desperately-wished-for items that I won't ask for because they are a. silly or b. far too expensive.

Monday, December 1, 2008


I’ve loved others, so many others in so many ways. And maybe some of the people I love now I’ll forget or just let fade away someday.

It just happens, without you even noticing it. Your heart changes. Today you love people you didn’t know existed three years or three months ago. And people you thought you were going to love forever, people you promised you’d never forget: maybe you did forget them. You didn’t mean to, but you did.
Hearts change. It’s the lucky people who can still love their childhood sweetheart twenty or fifty or more years down the road. That’s so rare, no matter what the teary movies tell you.

I know it’s happened for me. I know there are people I once loved that I don’t anymore. But I can’t recall their names unless I look into old diaries and the articles I once saved meticulously.

But that’s okay. It happens. And now I have others I can love. And years from now, I’ll probably forget some of them and let others take their place.
Of course, there are those who spark something inside me that will never, ever allow me to forget them.

Craig, Vic, Aubrey, Alex, Evie, Mary, John, Anthony, Adam, Chris, Nick. The unforgettables.