It's Our Whole Life Down to One Box

So, packing is driving me bonkers. I've filled tons of (granted small) boxes and I haven't packed most of my books or movies or clothes. But I've got all the photos and posters and things down from my ceiling and walls and door. My room looks so bare and I choked up a couple times. Found some old colouring pictures, old photos of Aaron (still get a twinge when I see them), lots of random things I want to keep and some I'm happy to toss away.

It just feels so final. I know that since I'll never live at home again, it is final. But I've spent over fifteen years in that room and those four walls house my safe haven. Soon I'll be tossed out into the world to find another safe place, somewhere to call home (at least temporarily until I really find my Home). It's a good thing in a way. This isn't my home, not anymore, not like it so was before.

I'm already gone. Now I just need to make that possible.

Merry Christmas, Bitches!

So, before all the crazies come over later, I thought I'd shoot off this little post.

My haul:
1. All the stuff I wanted (minus Almost Perfect, which must not have come in yet *is sad*)
2. A really really superawesome! DVD player that also plays CDs and photos and stuff.
3. Gamecube of my own(!) with Harvest Moon, Cel Damage, and Crazy Taxi to play!
4. The Dark Knight (surprise, surprise, it was left in the bag for anyone to see what had been gotten)
5. The Christmas Bear (the book I read religiously around Christmas at my first school). I quite literally cried.
6. Love Poems by Nikki Giovanni-perfect gift, I'd say!

Have a grand whatever-you-celebrate, my lieblings!

Insanium in the Cranium

So, back from Kris' house after Torchwood Day Part Deux! As usual, I brought the pretties of Torchwood and we all sat around and gawked.

We learned that to be Gwen one must: run fast, snap your head to look at things, cry into pizza. Captain Jack Harkness was the undisputed favourite episode (no change there then). After we finished the first series, we watched the next episode of Supernatural (Dean astral-projects! Papa Winchester dies! Sammy plays with a Ouija board!) and then viewed (and sang along to) Buffy's "Once More, With Feeling".

Also played Cranium, which was fun as hell and just as insane. Teamed up, first Boys vs. Girls, then Couch vs. Not Couch. Have no idea who won or how to even tell, but had an absolute blast!

Jorge drove me and Justin home and in the car, we cranked the music (to eleven, which my ears still protest to) and sang from different Broadway shows! Always a fun time.

I am going to miss these crazy, awesome, obsession-sharing, disturbingly-good-game-playing people in St Augustine!

Today's the Day After Yesterday

I am no longer a teenager. I keep writing (fine, typing) that and I still don't quite believe it. There's no "Today is the first day of the rest of my life", choirs of celestial voices, or anything like that. I feel the same as I did yesterday. Is something supposed to change?

What I truly want for my birthday:
1. A black leather jacket. Wanted one for years, but far too expensive.
2. Tosh and Owen to not be dead anymore.
3. Three hours to myself.
4. A lover.
5. For all my packing to be magically done.
6. For Mary to be here to celebrate with me.
7. Peace on earth and a salami sub.

History is a Mystery That's There to be Discovered

Went to the Ringling's (yeah the circus people, though I skipped that bit) Museum to see the Ancient Egyptian exhibit.

Loved:
1. The Kimonos in the Japanese display were exquisite.
2. Remembering I'd been there before and having these little flashes of memory.
3. The beautiful paintings, the pieces of Egyptian life, the elegant manor house, the whole atmosphere seemed infused with a sense of history.
4. Gorgeous gardens, including a Secret Garden where I did most of the lines from The Secret Garden (book, movie, and musical)
5. Being able to be amazed.

Hated:
1. CHILDREN EVERYWHERE! I have no idea how many groups of schoolchildren were being apathetically guided through by my No. 2
2. The docents really didn't know what they were talking about. They got tons of things inaccurate or didn't know key things to point out (i.e. how in Ruebens' work, the character looking out of the painting is always a self-portrait of the artist)
3. Couldn't find replacement Bast earrings *cries*

Free at Last, Free at Last

Thanks Collins All-Awesome, I am free at last!

Well, at least until January starts a new semester. Though that semester will be at a different school, not at home, and I will be (all together now, class) independent!

Things I'm loving right now: country Christmas songs-"Christmas Cookies", "Holiday in Your Heart", "Angels Among Us", being free to do whatever for the rest of the year, my birthday being in a week and a half, de-stressing with a magazine and a hot cup of cider
Things I'm hating right now: the way my jaw thingy has kicked up again despite (or because of) seeing the oral surgeon who told me there is nothing wrong but stress, my back is killing me and my eyes are feeling like the juice has been sucked from them (blame metaphor on Joe vs. the Volcano)

Things I Should be Doing Now:

1. Revising my final papers for Queer Theory and Feminism

2. Taking inventory of the things I got from my grandma so I'll know what sort of kitchen/dining items I'll need before I move to St Augustine.

3. Finding a roommate in St Augustine.

4. Not be thinking about decorating my room for Christmas, as it will just all need to be taken down and put back in its boxes before said move.

5. Studying for Human Geography and Medieval Society exams.

6. Making up my Christmas list which now consists of two concrete items (John Barrowman's new CD and Torchwood Series 2) and several desperately-wished-for items that I won't ask for because they are a. silly or b. far too expensive.

Unforgettable

I’ve loved others, so many others in so many ways. And maybe some of the people I love now I’ll forget or just let fade away someday.

It just happens, without you even noticing it. Your heart changes. Today you love people you didn’t know existed three years or three months ago. And people you thought you were going to love forever, people you promised you’d never forget: maybe you did forget them. You didn’t mean to, but you did.
Hearts change. It’s the lucky people who can still love their childhood sweetheart twenty or fifty or more years down the road. That’s so rare, no matter what the teary movies tell you.

I know it’s happened for me. I know there are people I once loved that I don’t anymore. But I can’t recall their names unless I look into old diaries and the articles I once saved meticulously.

But that’s okay. It happens. And now I have others I can love. And years from now, I’ll probably forget some of them and let others take their place.
Of course, there are those who spark something inside me that will never, ever allow me to forget them.

Craig, Vic, Aubrey, Alex, Evie, Mary, John, Anthony, Adam, Chris, Nick. The unforgettables.

Blood Doesn't Make a Family, Love Does.

So, it’s a half hour before midnight on Thanksgiving and I have been remiss. Now is the time I thank the characters who live in my head (and my heart).

Thanksgiving is supposed to be all about family (also turkey and the taking over of Native American land, but I digress), so I want to take this opportunity to say a word of thanks for the characters I know and love. To begin with, my Mimi: you were my first and my most constant. I love you chica! To Mark, Roger, Joanne, Angel, Collins, and little Gloria (who is growing up so very fast). To the boys who study history in Hector’s class and the ones who sell papes on the streets. To the coffee shop owner and her family, to her clients, to the Torchwood team (and assorted partners and children spanning the verses I’ve created for them), to the Doctor in the TARDIS and Rose in the Parallel World. To the garden boy and the piano girl. To the other Captain in braces and his crew of misfits who fit together. To the characters I created and the ones I borrowed from those better than I. To the characters who are me and the ones who are my friends and family. To the tart with a heart and the OC kids with kids. To the determined Helena and the puckish Robin Goodfellow. To the princess with a passion for fashion and the dirty rotten girl. To the love sleuth and the girl in the fuzzy pink bra. To Wilson caring loudly in his office, to the scared girls with Huntington’s. To the boys of Babylon and the vampires of the Underground. To the older versions of my young characters. To the Angel and the Demon who bring Good Omens. To Nancy and Tegan and the drama they provide with Hannah and Russel by their side. From the Brooklyn Heights to London’s Underground, from South Wales to the land east of the Mississippi River. From the Evans’ to the Lloyd’s. From the Harkness-Jones’ to the Marquez-Jefferson’s. From the newest arrival Rosie to the teenage version of Gloria and Radames II.

I give thanks for each and every one of you. You’re all brilliant characters that any writer would be lucky to work with and I’m thrilled to call you all mine. To you all: thanks for being there.

The Way We Get By

Spent all of yesterday (around eight whole hours) at Kris' house yesterday, watching Torchwood with her, Justin, and Jorge from Miracle Worker. I did the best lines along with the telly, shushed our commentary for the best lines "He just..." "Came and went.", and generally made a dork of myself (even hid under my jacket during the more gory bits of Countrycide). But the best part was I was being a geek in front of people who are geeks as well! Justin and Jorge are now Torchwood fans, so my work is done!

But as the saying I have just made up goes: "As you shareth your obsessions with others, so shall they shareth their obsessions with you." Translation: I watch 3/4 of an episode of Supernatural and just HAD to finish it when I got home. Bless you oh, surfthechannel.com. Now, as soon as I finish my gorram papers for Queer Theory and Feminism (assuming I ever do finish them before I commit hari-kari), I am going to watch more episodes.

What clinched the fact that I would now seek out Supernatural? This clip, as shown by Kris:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bgd30bjQmes

Connection in an Isolating Age

So, I spent my afternoon hanging out with Evie and Aubrey. We had Chipotle's (which hurt like hell due to jaw-thingy, but I fought through), then headed off to the mall.

On the way we sung Rent (haven't done that in far far too long), finishing with "Out Tonight" before we got out of the car. Then we just wandered around, looking at nothing and everything. Eventually the characters started mucking about (Ianto is unnerved by Roger, exasperated by Jack, likes Rose, and is still snappy with the Doctor, we've learned). Evie bought some CDs for their road trip/move to Arizona *cries and misses already*

Then we came home and hung out for a while. Showed Aubrey the pics from Dragon*Con (Evie was discussing WoW with my brother *rolls eyes*), and the posters and pictures with the boys. Told them the story of Gareth's name plate being in my possession, the friends I made, the fun I had...

Here comes the particularly fun bit: Evie bought me my first vibrator (it's pretty and pink). Which seems paradoxically really weird and like a rite of passage. Bugger is I have no AAA's. Fuckwank!

Instrumental

So as I was finishing up a phone call before Feminism today, I slowed to a stop to say goodbye. I happened to look to my right, then quickly again to be sure I wasn't seeing things.

Or people.

Minas, who I knew from my very first acting class was standing there, looking just as surprised to see me. We were both shocked, but quickly hugged. We discuss how we'd all lost touch and how good it was to see each other again. He introduced me to his friend Michael (whom I apparently danced with at Minas' birthday party. I don't remember that, but he was cute, so I'm fine with it =8->). Minas has (obviously) grown up quite a bit in the nearly three and a half years since we've seen each other. Taller (but he was always), scruffy-faced (in a good way), and his voice got much deeper. Uninvited, the tiny crush I'd harboured on him decided to show back up (looking extremely tan from the vacation it's been on for three and a half years) and flutter it's manic wings. I walked into my class grinning like a loon, staring off into space, the whole deal.

He asked if I have my classes at 2 every Tuesday and Thursday. I said I do. Maybe that means we'll see each other again. You never know. See? That's the flutter I was talking about...

5 Reasons Why Jennifer Baumgardner is my Hero

1. Her book Look Both Ways: Bisexual Politics was the first I'd ever seen with the word bisexual on the cover. It is brilliant and inspired me in so many ways I cannot even begin to describe.

2. She is a kickass feminist and activist who campaigns for all the things we need: GLBT rights, women's rights creating a dialogue about abortion, creating a dialogue about rape.

3. At the lecture she gave today, she was incredibly intelligent and clever and she's coming from a place of research, not just feelings.

4. She's gorgeous. (Shallow, I know)

5. While I was waffling on about how awesome she is after the lecture as she was signing books, I mentioned that if I had the money I would buy her book. If I wasn't a fool, I'd have brought Bisexual Politics to ask her to sign. Wanna know what she did? She bought me a copy of her own book. I coudn't even manage the words to refute the gesture or thank her for her kindness. I think I stumbled out something about how awesome she is and kind and shook her hand. All I could manage, I turned to intellectual jelly in her presence.

Find something she's done: one of her amazing books, the film I Had An Abortion that she helped create, an article she's written...anything and read it. She's absolutely wonderful and more people need to read her work. She's a visionary and that is not a word I throw out all the time, believe you me. Trust me and go read her work.

A Day Spent Cooing Over Crafts: Priceless

There's always been something about craft fairs for me. Now I have pretty much no practical uses at all; I am nearly inept at making arts and crafts. But I am amazed by other people's ingenuity.

Similarly, I'm also a huge fan of yard sales (might have one of my own to help pay for school). Next door had one today, so after returning from the craft fair I headed over. I like the almost voyeuristic aspect of buying someone else's things. You look at their offerings and wonder where they got them and how and why.

Today's purchases:
Craft Fair
A sweet little shell ornament to remind me of home when I'm in St Augustine (and later Cardiff) -.50
A white snowflake ornament sprinkled with green and purple face made by the kiddies of the church. Along with a lovely card featuring a Christmas scene on the coast (to put Mum's gift in) -1.00
A painted wooden good luck elephant, a inlaid wood cat, and a keychain that says: Love is a sweet poison (bit more...cynical is perhaps the right word, than I normally like, but something called to me) -7.00
Scrabble tile pendant: A bit of French art (le journal) with an E on the opposite side. -6.00
The big purchase was an absolutely beautiful pen with a pattern of purple swirls along the shaft. -20.00

Yard Sale
I would like to invoke Excuse #294 (Barrowman made me do it!) into play here. A lovely cotton wall hanging with Robert Burns on it, along with a quote and pictures of Scottish landmarks. -.50
A Kitchen Witch with hooks on the bottom of the panel. I'll need all the help I can get in my own kitchen... -.50
The Bells of St Mary's VHS (Mum's present): an old Bing Crosby movie that I adore. -.50
Travel the World: Italy VHS (because if I go to Verona, I should have at least some background knowledge) -.50
A red beret that I am going to figure out how to hide my hair in if only to fasten on a waistcoat and declare my Ianto Jones w/Red Unit Cap *winks* -1.00


See? Christmas shopping, new flat shopping and damn good time all for less than $40. Course now I will need to have my own yard sale in order to cover the costs and make some extra towards Christmas shopping for everyone else on my list.

I Feel Like a 4th Grade Dweeb

Okay, so now I apparently need an MRI *whimpers* to find out what the flingin' flangin' hell is wrong with my jawline or teeth or whatever. The mouth did diddly squat in making me able to eat. And it's really fucking awkward.


What I'm loving right nowi: Rascal Flatts, Sugarland, Brad Paisley and Lady Antebellum all picked up awards at the CMAs on Wednesday; The Uncommon Reader is being shipped to me and I'll have it soon; I'm hoping to make some money selling my unwanted books (Push come to shove, I'll take 'em to school and barter); Jon Stewart's verbally ass-kicking Bill O'Reilly; the film Quid Pro Quo which is fucking amazing (Go watch now!)
What I'm hating right now: The continuing inability to eat without pain; people giving me advice about said inability to eat (rather starve than drink Ensure); my NaNo count is still below 20k and tomorrow's the halfway point.

Off to kick my own ass into gear!

Look to the Western Sky...

I have decided to officially claim the couch on the patio (where the dog used to sleep before the poor love got so old and fat she could no longer get up there) as my own.

I was sitting there this morning, nursing my cup of coffee sweetened to within an inch of its life and Ianto's patience. I had my book (Princess Sultana's Daughters for those interested), my sudoku puzzles (I am a sad addict), a pen (which came in handy as I got a story idea as I lay there) and I could just look up and see the uncluttered blue sky.

Never mind the condensing voices coming from the telly or the banging around in the kitchen as someone made their breakfast, I was at peace. Warm and contented. *sighs*

Update

So it's been a while since I posted, so let's you all up to speed on me, all right my lieblings?

1. Had a run of The Miracle Worker at Masque Theatre. Went off brilliantly, tripped and fell on my ass one night (when my friends were there no less) and made some bloody brilliant friends! Who I really should be scheduling to watch Torchwood with one of these days when I'm feeling less lazy.
2. Went to Maine to visit my childhood best friend Caralyn for her baby shower (She's since had the child. Baby girl named Lilian, to be called Lily and Red for as long as I speak of her) Learned I hate long flights.
3. Went to Dragon*Con in Atlanta. Made friends with four other girls (Mary-Keith, Chris, Lisa, Nancy), two adorkable boys (Charlie and Andy) and kissed a Welshman (Gareth David-Lloyd, bitches! and James Marsters called me "gorgeous")
4. NaNo is in full swing, hence the obvious procrastination exercise that this is.

For those souls interested in my NaNo, here's my plans:
1. Novella-The 42 Adventures of Jack and Ianto-fluffy fanfic crossover of Torchwood and Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy...and whatever else I fancy
2. Novella-Monopoly (don't ask why)-new girl in Torchwood, who is not a MarySue because she's not dating anyone...although she did flirt with Tosh before RTD broke my heart and killed her off. Not to be confused with my "Girl who's been in Torchwood this whole time...tralalala"
3. Novella, trying to become my whole novel-Untitled as of now-Original characters (oh, I remember those things) Nancy and Tegan making a go of it in a flat in Cardiff. Nancy's a drag king MC at the local lesbian bar (if anyone catches the reference tell me and I'll buy you a drink) and her girlfriend Tegan is an interior designer. Together with their landlady Hannah, Tegan's best friend Russel and her sister (and Nancy's ex) Kate, an occasional cameo by their families the two young women attempt to balance life, reality, and the whole crazy shebang.
4. Various stories, most involving songs I love or ideas I couldn't get rid of.


Okay, let's end with my new bit of fun.
What I'm loving right now: Series 2 of Secret Diary of a Call Girl, Ghirardelli dark chocolate squares, being the thinnest I've ever been

What I'm hating right now: My Medieval Society paper being due tomorrow when it's about half-done and half-assed, this fucking tooth or jaw or TMJ or whatever the hell is wrong and how no one can fix it and I'm starving, that my download is going to take another hour yet.

Mucho love, my lieblings! May those of you doing NaNo be blessed with big word counts!

I've Got TB!!!

Pardon the multiple exclamation points. You know those fuzzy little dolls of various viruses and diseases? Well, I got some for tuberculosis (which I needed the side of the canister to spell properly) finally! Been wanting them for years and yes, Aubrey, I do blame you for that. *giggles*

Also, on the radio they had a Welshman! Now for those of you who know me, you know that I have acquired a real fetish for Welsh accents (and those beautiful Welsh vowels). Personally, I blame Gareth David-Lloyd for this...

Lastly, Dr. Horrible's Sing-A-Long blog. Go...go now...watch and revel in its hilarity!
http://drhorrible.com/
The world is a mess and I just need to rule it!

You Don't Wanna Miss This

So, yesterday was amazing! Went to the beach with my (soul)sisters: Mary and Rachel. I haven't been to the beach in so long, I forgot how much I love going. Didn't tan though, burnt and it hurts like a dominatrix.

While bouncing in the water, we had such great talks. Mostly about sex *shrugs* we're young, what else is there for us *grins*. Finally got the full story about Mary's first time. And Rachel's. Hell, we spent most of it detailing our sexytime escapades. FUN! Got ice cream, walked to the pier (which is made of fucking CONCRETE and was very HOT, worse than the white sand), lay out to tan (only Rachel managed it though), collected some sea shells, and just had the best time!

Bonus: Found a ride to Pride (oh that rhymed) this year: Jordan and Rachel. Maybe grab Mattie and Craig on the way, woot!

Single Frames of One Magic Night

So last was my last night at Curtain Call. I sobbed so much. I'm am going to miss that place like hell and I'll have to visit every so often to keep my sanity.

They loved the gifts I got them. Jennie put up her photograph, Vickie was happy for her guide to London (as Londoners know nothing about their own city), Mat said he'd listen to every song on his Latin dance music, Craig was happy to get a new movie and I told him he needed to learn who Cole Porter was, Erin grinned and knew it was The History Boys before she'd finished opening it, Sarah (and all of us) laughed when she held up her "Big Girls Use the Potty" book. And Natalie was so sweetly enthused about the acting book I got her. I told her I was leaving my legacy to her and she better take care of Curtain Call for me.

Throughout the show, we cried, sobbed, laughed, and threw everything into our performances. At the curtain calls, I got a standing ovation, not the show: ME! I had just calmed down and that set me off again. My friends (the sneaks) gave me a journal and a scrapbook of the ABCs of me, signed by all the kids. My favourite letters were K-kinky, J-Jeff Dunham, A-act (with pictures of House, Torchwood and Rent) and of course F-friends.

After we finished 'Family' and surprised Craig, we wandered offstage hugging and crying. I heard sobs and went to find Craig with Erin comforting him. I assisted, cuddling him and stroking his head. He told me the song was for me too: I know it was. Then Sarah got Erin and they left and I was alone with Craig. Then I did it. I kissed him, chastely and sweetly, trying to tell him everything I feel about him in that kiss. He responded and I held him once again before leaving him to himself (which broke my heart to do). The kiss held no fireworks or ringing bells, just love and comfort. He knows I love him, maybe one day I'll be able to tell him I'm in love with him.

After a brief stop at Beef's (where Craig and I were glomped the second we walked in by the Juniors) and a longer one for liquor, we went to Sarah's house. It's within walking distance of mine, never knew. We watched the video Mat and Vickie made for Craig, then Mat had to leave. We had sandwiches and snickered at Craig with his cheese balls. Sarah whacked her cast on the table, read aloud from "Big Girls Use the Potty", and Erin laughed so hard she couldn't breathe...twice! We retired to watch Sarah's first performance as a little 5/6 year old.

Then came the Air hockey tournament. I beat Vickie, but Craig beat me (damn distracting boy!). Apparently, when I play I get this intense look of concentration on my face. I was trying to calculate angles, but I'm crap at maths. I had a rematch with Craig (who remained undefeated despite being hit several times when Sarah sent the puck flying), but I was picked up before we could finish. I will have that rematch one day though!

I knew this would hurt, leaving and all. But...it does, I won't deny it, but it also leaves this strange fuzzy feeling. Because I know I will be missed, that I'm loved. I haven't felt that very often (just with my Blake friends when I left, but on a smaller scale). And I will see them again after all, come hell or high water. I'm not losing contact with the friends of my life!

Got What it Takes?

Wanna save the world? Test how clever you really are? Or simply be ordered around by a beautiful young Welshmen?

Go here and start the missions: to borrow from Heroes: Save the Welshmen, Save the world.
http://www.bbc.co.uk/torchwood/sites/arg/pages/messages.shtml

RIP Toshiko Sato and Dr Owen Harper

I know, I know. Fictional, aren't they? Maybe to you.

I loved them (okay, Tosh more than Owen though he did mellow out once he was dead...the first time). They were brilliant characters, interesting and complex, with another surprising layer every time I thought I had them figured out. It's not just them, either. Naoko and Burn are now gone from the set of Torchwood. *flails* I wanted to see Burn beatbox, to flirt incessantly with Naoko. *crosses arms*

RTD, if you're reading this: please send me a spool of thread so I can stitch my HEART back together!

Fantasies Come True

So, I had my first time out with the Curtain Call gang (sans Dana, poor pet) outside of Curtain Call. And loved it! It was so great to be around them, as always. I really am going to miss them so much!

And Avenue Q was Legend-wait for it-ary! It was so rutting hilarious, I thought I would die of laughter. Though I worried more about Erin, who can't breath and laugh hysterically at the same time. I sat next to Craig (may have subtly orchestrated that), but that meant I was on the end and sadly not part of most of the comments made. But I got to sit next to Craig! And I kept sneaking glances at him, especially during "A Fine, Fine Line". I don't think he noticed. At least I hope not. No matter what I won't tell him I'm in love with him. It would fuck things up forever.

Also! I got applauded! All I did was give a dollar to the understudy begging for cash during "The Money Song", but I was the only one in my section to do so. When Christmas Eve announced the people were cheapskates, I pointed at my friends and blamed them through my laughter.

Best lines:
-Sarah: I don't want to be worried it will come out the other end. (Don't ask)
-Sarah: I want to be "come".
Beth: Don't we all?
-Beth: You're too tall, you hit your head on the branches.
Craig: You hit your head on lamps.
-Erin: I am the Slut!
Beth: No, you're a slut. You haven't earned my title yet.
-Sarah: You know the people who were collecting money, they were the understudies. I just figured that out.
And Beth feeling the urge to hit everyone for not knowing who COLE PORTER was! Seriousl, I'm bringing De-lovely on Thursday!

Cool Band Promo

Happy Birthday, Gareth David-Lloyd!

Geeky though it may be, I do want to take this opportunity to wish Gareth a very happy birthday indeed.

This time last year, I had no idea who he was and now I couldn't imagine a time before his brilliant little looks, spot-on delivery of one-liners, and passionate way of throwing himself into a scene. He's quite the inspiration to me.

Happy 27th birthday, Gareth! Have the best time of your life!

I Would Have Loved You Anyway

Last night I finally remembered to take my camera to Curtain Call so I could get pictures of my friends there to remember them by. That's when it hit me. I'm going to be gone soon and I'm going to miss these people. These five people are the friends I know I will see every week, the therapy group I'd be lost without. No matter how horrible a day has been, if I can go to Curtain Call and let the magic get me, it'll be all right. I always thought it was the magic of theatre, and of course that's a part of it too, but it's more the magic of having friends who love me and notice when I'm a little off one day.

I've faced a lot of hell this season, but they've seen me through all of it. I don't like to get emotional in the theatre because in the theatre it's a character, not you who gets the emotional journey. But when I just can't take it anymore, all five of them are there for me.

I have no idea what I'll do without them. It's funny. Four years ago, I didn't know a single one of them, but now my life would be so empty and incomplete and wrong without each of them. Funny that.

It's going to hurt like hell when I have to leave. I'm going to sob, it's going to break my heart, but so what? I've got them right now and I'm holding on for the time I have, no matter how much it will hurt later on. The good times with them now will outweigh the bad I'll feel when I leave.

What Have You Done Today to Make You Feel Proud?

Ellen Degeneres did something brilliant, brave, and heart-gripping today. She found a story about an 8th grade boy killed (that's right, KILLED) by another 8th grade boy, whom he had asked to be his Valentine. Ellen didn't let this story slip through the cracks, nor fade away. She talked about it on her daily afternoon talk show, sharing it with an audience that might not have heard about this tragedy otherwise. She said she wasn't a political person, but she made a plea for everyone to stop the hate and truthfully said that, even in this day and age, we are still not treating our fellow humans equally. "He was not a second class citizen, I am not a second class citizen," she said, doing something unusual for her and talking openly on her own show about her homosexuality. She refused to let this story pass by because it is terrible that one boy should be so horrified by being asked to be another boy's Valentine that he thinks the only thing to do is commit murder. My heart truly goes out to the families of both boys.

Even as horrible things happen, sometimes good things happen as well. Last night at my first P.R.I.D.E. meeting (I'm usually at Curtain Call), my mom came and spoke to the group about herself and how she deals with my bisexuality. By the end of the night, I think most of the kids who didn't have such supportive parents wanted her to adopt them. My mom came out as bisexual herself, something she only previously told my brother and myself. Yet another brave thing. She raised me to accept people, no matter what colour, sexual orientation, ethnicity, gender, age, or whatever else might be another stripe in the rainbow of human existence.

So I'll Be Back For Good Someday...

I'm still stuck on where to start my life come fall (or summer as the case may be).

New York City? I've got my best friend there and we could get an apartment together, start pounding 42nd street to be in a show.

London? Doing Shakespeare at the Globe, have the chance to play Maureen on the West End since Rent is closing on Broadway.

Cardiff? A city about the same size as Tampa, with Torchwood and Doctor Who filmed in the City Centre, where I could watch my heroes from afar, maybe even have a role.

Perry? Go do the small town thing in Georgia, not too far from home, but a completely different state.

Tampa? Stay at home, get a B.A., fight like hell to get equal rights in such a red state.

Nashville? Go back to my childhood dream of trying to be a country singer, in Music City.

Show-Off

I have never had a better night than tonight. We were in "THE ZONE" (there is a very palpable zone, my friend, and we were in it).

Our show kicked seven different kinds of ass. We were amazing, awesome in every sense of the word. I loved each and every second, even prying little Charlie off Craig and mopping up spilt water. It was the best night of my life and I wish I could have bottled that feeling for times when my life seems so low.

Ten Days. Three Days Over a Week...

...For those of us who didn't graduate from the Dominic Coopper School of Mathemathics. (Love you anyway, Dominic!)

Tonight at 9 p.m. in Britian, Torchwood Series 2 returns! I have to wait another ten days, damn American delay.

So, no spoilers. Tell me nothing at all. I know some spoilers, but I have to stay away from Livejournal (which I live in) until the 27th. DEATH! *falls over* So impatient...

But I will have my saintly reward. Jack and Ianto are going to have a relationship. A real, CANON relationship. A relationship with context, not just subtext. Where they will kiss each other and touch each other and flirt and possibly (if Gareth is to be believed and I say he is), even even undress each other. Gareth says there's skin, John has a partial nudity scene, I'm hoping these things coincide with the Jack/Ianto relationship. Also, I want to see their proper date. Not hear about it. See it. I want to see how they would react around that sort of thing with each other. They're already lovers (Stopwatch and End of Days kiss prove it), but I want to see their more tender moments.

Hear no spoilers, see no spoilers, watch no spoilers: my mantra